Memories of Ice and Snow
by Sharn-sharn
Summary: I could still remember the cold, icy tingles that had engulfed my body, the numb, and the panicked thoughts- Oh, God, no. I can't die yet. Please don't let me die! I sunk into the blackness tickling the edges of my mind, surrendering to it fully, as well as the alarming realization of what had happened to me. I was alone- so, so alone. And I hated it. SI/OC.
1. Chapter 1: Numb

**This is the second SI that I'm attempting. Inspiration for this one came from reading all the other very good ones on this site, and if any of those authors are reading this, than I really hope you enjoy it.**

 **. . .**

I suppose that you're all wondering who I am.

If, perhaps, that I have a story.

Well, my mother always used to tell me that to tell a story, it was always best to start at the beginning.

I'm already at the end of my story, but for your benefit, I'll start from the beginning.

My name is Kira, though that wasn't always my name.

Before I came to this world, I mean.

I had heard that there were others like me, but throughout my life, I never came across them.

I was alone and shadowed.

Every story has a beginning, and this is mine.

 **. . .**

I was panicking.

I had no idea what was happening.

The last thing I remembered was mind-splitting pain. An icy coldness had come over my body, and I was numb. I remembered sinking into the blackness tickling the edges of my mind, surrendering to it fully, as well as the alarming realisation of what had happened to me.

I had died.

I was _dead_.

Everything after that was a huge blank, but then, something happened. I wasn't sure what had happened, only that, somehow, I felt warm.

Safe.

It felt as if I were enclosed in a warm, loving embrace, the strong arms shielding me from everything evil and bad that this world could possibly produce.

I didn't know how long those arms held me for, but it felt like years. But I didn't mind the waiting. It allowed me to think on what could have been.

I was dead.

But, in here, it didn't feel like it.

I could still remember the cold, icy tingles that had engulfed my body, the numb, and the panicked thoughts of, _Oh, God, please, no. I can't die yet. Don't let me die!_

In here, those thoughts were all but wiped away. I had no need to think of those horrors.

I was safe.

 _I was safe._

And in an instant, all of that was ripped away from me in a frazzled mess of painful squeezing and piercing light.

I was terrified.

Somehow, this seemed even more traumatising than dying, though I didn't know how.

I screamed.

It was high and piercing, cracking right in the middle, and that noise only made me scream harder- it only made me _cry_ harder.

I didn't know what was happening, and I was so, _so_ scared.

It didn't help when something scratchy and itchy wrapped around me, muffling my cries.

My mind could only come to one conclusion.

Was I being drowned?

I began wriggling furiously, still screaming.

In response, I heard some jumbled, disjointed words, and my blood ran cold, my struggling stopping altogether. There was a soft sigh at my ears. I imagined that I could hear a smile in that voice. Then-

" _Kira-chan?_ "

I was pressed against something warm, the scratchy thing still wrapped around me. My terrified mind was numb, just like moments before my demise. I was confused.

My eyes twitched open.

The world was a blur of colour.

I screamed again, tears streaming down my cheeks.

 _What was happening?_

I felt the world around me move, and then I was lowered onto something soft and _big_. I still couldn't see anything, and when something big wrapped _around_ me, that was when I went stock-still.

I heard a soft voice speaking an unfamiliar language, the only thing I could recognise was a single word: _Kira_.

Kira? Who was Kira?

Was that me?

I had just _died_ , and I _still_ didn't understand what was going on, only that I was nestled in the arms of something big and giant.

Oddly, it reminded me of the arms that had held me only moments before- the arms that had kept me safe for had felt like years.

I did the only thing that made sense to me.

I drifted.

 **. . .**

When I next woke, I was still wrapped in that strange scratchy thing- it had to be some sort of fabric, I suppose.

My vision was still as blurry as it had been the last time I was awake and it irritated me to some extent. But one question laid true to my mind.

Just what had happened to me?

I had died.

I had even _felt_ it- felt the icy coldness engulfing my body. And then the numbness. So, for all intents and purposes, I had died.

I was dead.

So why was I still alive?

Why could I see, hear, and _feel_?

I clumsily brought my hand to my face, experimentally waving my fingers. My eyes got a full show of short, fat, and pudgy fingers. They moved when I did.

I screamed.

I attempted to kick off the fabric wrapped around, but it was bound far too tightly, and all I succeeded in doing was getting it tangled with my legs.

There was an alarmed voice, and then, all of a sudden, there was nothing but air beneath me, and that served to only agitate me more.

Soothing, unfamiliar words were uttered into my ears, and though I couldn't understand a single word of it, it strangely calmed me down.

I stopped screaming my head off, and, oddly enough, stuffed a hand into my mouth.

A soft chuckle reached my ears, and what I now thought to be arms, pulled me closer to a solid warmth.

I closed my eyes as the voice washed over me. The only thing I could understand was a single word.

" _Kira-chan._ "

I felt strangely sleepy, and, rather let the impending darkness scare me, I welcomed it gratefully.

Anything to get away from this confusing nightmare.

 **. . .**

The next time I woke up, I was back in that _bed_?

I didn't know what it was. Maybe some sort of cradle?

The wrap from before was also still bound tightly around my form. Despite being scratchy against my skin, it was uncomfortably warm, seeming to trap all the heat in the world against my body.

I shifted awkwardly, and when the heat didn't abate, a small cry escaped from my lips. The cry grew louder until it was a full out _wail_. I didn't care much for embarrassment about crying- all I wanted was to get out of this _damn_ blanket.

Liquid trickled down my cheeks, and I continued to cry.

A few moments passed. Then-

"Shh, Kira-chan," the same voice from before murmured into my ear.

I didn't want to be quiet, damn it! I wanted to get out of this blanket!

I didn't heed his words and continued to cry. A few moments later, I felt the air move, almost as if I were being rocked in the person's arms.

I tried to wiggle out of the blanket, and understanding seemed to dawn on the person, as a moment later, I was carefully unwrapped from the fabric.

Cold air hit my skin, and as I looked down at myself, I was overcome with shock and horror.

My body was a blurred mess, but there was no mistaking the giant arms wrapped around me, or even the tiny size of my own body.

I was a baby.

If that knowledge didn't make me want to shriek with horror, then it was when I was passed into the arms of another that something _really_ settled in.

If I was a baby, then I would be _breastfed_.

Oh, the horror.

And I was.

It was extremely awkward and embarrassing for me, but I didn't complain- I _couldn't_ complain.

I was a baby.

I was an adult stuck in the body of a _baby_.

 **. . .**

 _Weeks later_

I didn't think it was until I was a few weeks old and my sight cleared up that I finally accepted that I was a baby.

I was completely vulnerable- I couldn't walk, I couldn't talk, and I couldn't even sit up by myself.

I was useless in this state.

After I died, I reckon that the gods had decided to screw me over and shove me in this form, if only to spite me. But I couldn't remember if I ever did anything remotely _bad_ during my past life to be cursed like this, but I should embrace this.

It was a new chance at life, and even though I couldn't really understand the language, I knew that I would adapt.

The language sounded familiar, too.

"Kira-chan?"

Mama had me seated on her lap, her arms secured around my stomach to keep me from falling over. She was whispering mindless nonsense to me, and I was as unresponsive as usual.

From the other end of the room, I heard happy giggling, louder than both Mama and Papa's voices combined.

Want to know who it was?

I had an older sibling, though I didn't know how old. He had been constantly dangled in my face right from when I had been born, but back then, my sight hadn't been as good as it was now.

I was a few weeks old and I could easily raise my head, wiggle my fingers and toes, and even _smile_.

I know, right?

 _Accomplishment._

I watched as Papa carried my older brother over, the toddler hanging from the man's arm and swinging happily.

He giggled again, and Papa chuckled softly.

He came to a stop in front of Mama, and the two exchanged a soft, loving smile.

It was obvious to me that the pair loved each other very much, even in the squalor that we lived in. Hell, they had even been able to have to _kids_ in these conditions!

My big brother peered down at me with wide eyes, as if he hadn't ever seen me before. His face was soft and childish, emphasised by his large, dark brown eyes and short black hair.

"Haku-chan," Mama called in her soft, sweet voice.

I had no idea what she said after that, but that one word made me freeze.

 _Haku._

It could be a huge, misunderstood coincidence for all I know.

Yes, it probably was.

A coincidence, that is.

And if it wasn't…

Then I had just been reborn into the Narutoverse with Haku as an elder brother.

And as far as I know, Haku's entire family dies- with his father killing his mother, and then Haku himself killing his father.

Haku then wanders around for who knows _how_ long, only to get picked up by Zabuza Momochi, who trains him to become a living _weapon_.

Haku remains incredibly loyal and faithful to Zabuza, and when Zabuza gets hired by Gato in the Land of Waves, it's where they both _die_.

So, technically, both Haku's and my futures were well and truly _screwed_.

That is, if Papa didn't kill us first.


	2. Chapter 2: Snow

"Ne, Kira-chan," Mama said in that gentle voice of hers, "Where is your brother?"

I shakily stood on my wobbly legs- I'd only just recently begun walking- and gripped Mama's hands with my own.

"Where is he, Kira-chan?"

I was horrible at speaking this language, but, given that I was only about two, I figured that I wasn't at fault with anything. My development was fine for my age.

"He… he outside," I burbled happily, "Haku outside!"

Mama smiled back, and I grinned, letting go of her hands and wrapping them around her legs, hugging her knees tightly.

"Yes, Kira-chan," she murmured, "Haku is outside. Outside with your father."

"What he doing?" I asked curiously, and in that childish way of _any_ curious child. It didn't matter to me that I was completely butchering the Japanese language- that was the strange, unfamiliar language spoken at my birth- until it was barely decipherable. I was only two, the only that mattered was getting Mama and Papa to understand me, and to know when my next meal was.

Mama smoothed back my hair absently, then she said, in a strangely mischievous voice, "Why don't we go and see?"

I didn't hesitate, "Yeah!" I answered happily.

Mama smiled at me one last time and set off towards the door. I toddled after her, still unsteady on my own feet- I was used to being carried around, and now that I had to walk on my own, well, my legs were a bit overwhelmed.

I just pinned the blame on Mama. She really liked to carry me around in her arms. In fact, more often than not, it was Mama whose arms I was in.

It was snowing outside, I noticed dimly.

My mouth was wide open in an " _o_ " shape as I surveyed the white expanse before me. It looked beautiful, especially with the dull morning sunlight shining down on us, making the snow glitter with a faint, shimmery light.

I took a step.

My awe was washed away like it was nothing.

I stared down at my feet, the bare toes buried in the powder-white snow. It felt as if I had dipped my entire body into _ice_.

It felt as if- as if-

 _I was dead_.

I blinked away the tears forming in my eyes, then cried, "Mama!"

Mama looked back at me immediately, her eyes wide. I automatically reached my arms up, and she to take that as a sign that I wanted to be picked up, as she quickly did so. Her arms quickly wrapped around me and I lifted up, my hands coming to wrap around her neck as she settled me on her hip.

I buried my face in her shoulder, my own shoulders shaking with what I dimly recognised as terror.

What was wrong with me?

"Shh, Kira-chan," Mama soothed, her free hand rubbing circles on my back, "It's fine. You're _okay_."

Gradually, my shivering calmed down and, overcome with mortified embarrassment, I raised my head from her shoulder,

"I sorry," I cried, blinking through my tears.

"Don't be sorry, Kira-chan," Mama walked us back into the house and sat down on her and Papa's shared bed, "You don't have to be sorry."

I nearly sobbed in gratitude. How I got such an amazing mother is beyond me.

"Love you," I said, pressing my cheek against her shoulder. I could feel her heartbeat, and it went _ba-thump_ , _ba-thump_ , _ba-thump_ against my face.

I sighed happily.

"Why were you crying, Kira-chan?" Mama suddenly asked, "Did the snow scare you that much?"

I blinked, "Huh?" I looked up at Mama with confused eyes, "What you mean?"

"The snow is very white, Kira-chan," Mama answered patiently, as if she had all the time in the world, "And it is very blinding."

"Huh?" I still didn't understand what Mama was spouting.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about if you dislike or even fear snow," Mama explained gently, "And I think that you do, Kira-chan."

I just blinked up at her again, not even answering, though my mind swirled chaotically with thoughts.

My toes were numb.

 _My body had been numb._

The snow had been cold, like tiny prickles of needles travelling the length of my body.

 _I could still remember the cold, icy bit of numbness that travelled down my body._

I knew what was wrong with me now.

I carried a deep dislike- _fear_ \- of snow.

 **. . .**

I sprawled out on bed with my legs stretched out wide.

I had refused dinner, and Mama had sent me off to bed after much arguing on my part. Well, as much as a two year old _can_ argue, anyway.

I stared up at the ceiling blankly, my arms behind my head like a pillow.

"Is Kira-chan asleep?" a soft, sweet voice asked.

I turned my head to the side.

Haku.

Slowly, I shook my head, "Kira-chan still awake," I answered, not embarrassed in the slightest that I was speaking in third person.

Quietly, Haku crawled in beside me, lying on his side so that we were facing each other.

His black hair tickled my nose, and I giggled a little. Haku pulled back slightly with a smile on his face.

"Is Kira-chan sleepy?" he asked, "Or hungry?"

"Not hungry," I muttered, throwing an arm over my face, "Not tired."

My brother laughed in response, and I scooted closer to him.

"Hold me," I requested.

Haku, like the kind brother he was, obliged to my request, and my cheek his chest as his arms wrapped around me.

Now that our faces were so close together, it never occurred to me how similar we both looked. We both had the same slim build, same black hair, and same big brown eyes.

We both looked like Mama.

I curled my own arms around Haku's back, releasing a content sigh. We did this every night and eventually ended up falling asleep on each other. I didn't mind though.

When we woke the next morning, we were both a tangle of arms, legs, and black hair.

I yawned loudly, then proceeded to poke Haku in the shoulder, "Wakey, wakey, Haku!" I cried, "It's morning!"

Sleepily, my brother raised his head, and I giggled at the haze in those big brown eyes of his. His long hair was mussed up and stuck up in every direction.

"Your hair is messy," I observed, then I grinned, clapping my hands together excitedly, "You need it brushed."

Haku looked alarmed, and every trace of sleep faded from his eyes, "Kira-chan can't brush my hair!" he cried, raising his hands defensively, "You'll make it look all girly!"

"It's really long, Haku," I replied, my grin widening, "Like, _really_ long. Fit for a princess long!"

"No, Kira-chan," he moaned, batting me away when I began to tug at his messy hair, "Leave it. You'll make it all bad!"

"Kira-chan, stop pulling on your brother's hair," Mama suddenly scolded, literally appearing out of thin air, "And Haku, brush your hair."

Haku blushed, and I grinned again, "Me hungry!" I chirped, reaching my arms out.

Mama scoffed in mock-amusement, though she did pick me up. I curled my hands into the fabric of her kimono and asked, "Where's Papa?"

"Your father's already out," Mama answered vaguely, "He won't be back until later tonight."

I pouted, though I had expected that outcome.

Papa was a farmer, and though our entire family was quite poor, he managed to scrape up enough that he could put food on the table every night.

"In the snow?" I asked, feeling my eyes scrunch up in disgust.

"Yes, Kira-chan," Mama said slowly, "The snow."

"Papa shouldn't," I muttered, "Snow _bad_."

Mama sighed, and set me on the table's edge, gesturing for Haku to come over.

He did, and Mama said, "Make sure your sister doesn't fall off."

I felt my heart leap into my mouth when Mama walked over to the door and _opened_ it. Through the crack in the door and over her shoulder, I could see the huge expanse of white.

I stared at it blankly.

Mama shut the door.

"See, Kira-chan?" she said, gesturing to the closed door, "Snow can't hurt you. Your father will be fine."

"But snow _cold_ ," I replied, wrapping my arms around myself, "Papa should come home."

"Snow's pretty, Kira-chan," Haku piped up, clapping his hands together excitedly, "And when you hold it in your hands, it turns to water!"

"Water drowns you," I muttered, "Why wouldn't Papa?"

"He's fine," Haku answered, "I always play with him outside, and nothing happens."

Abruptly, Mama stiffened.

I blinked.

Mama was back to normal.

"What's wrong, Mama?" I asked, carefully hopping off the table and into my brother's waiting arms. I leaned into him gratefully.

Mama exhaled slowly, though her hands were still clenched into fists, "Nothing, Kira-chan," she said, her tone coming out forced, "Nothing at all."

There was a tenseness to her shoulders, I noticed, and dimly, I wondered if it had anything to do with her hidden Ice release Kekkei Genkai.

I looked down at my own hands, wiggling the fingers experimentally.

Mama's Kekkei Genkai was Ice release. Haku inherited. Did that mean that I would, too?

Ice was nearly the same as snow, so I don't think that I would even _want_ it.

And to make things worse, Papa was going to kill Mama when he found out about her Kekkei Genkai.

He'd have to go through me first.


	3. Chapter 3: Warmth

I gazed down at the table.

A bowl of steaming white rice stared back up at me.

My stomach rumbled.

"Eat it already, Kira-chan," my brother urged, his own bowl in front of him.

I picked up my chopsticks and fingered them awkwardly in my hands, "Feels weird," I announced, and after I said that, Mama stifled a chuckle. I dropped my hand to the table, hearing the chopsticks clatter noisily, and I said, "What?"

Mama simply smiled in response and gestured to the chopsticks in her own hands. She moved them around in her fingers, and I quickly realised that she was showing me how to use them. I copied her, picking up some rice and shoving it into my mouth.

"Thanks," I mumbled, mouth full of rice.

Haku chuckled as I took another bite of my meal. I raised my head to glare at him, but when I saw him, my glare faded and a giggle bubbled in the back of my throat. He looked absolutely ridiculous- his eyes sparkling and amused and his cheeks puffed with rice.

The giggle I had produced soon turned to choking when I realised that I still had food in my mouth. I dropped my chopsticks, them landing on the table with a noisy clatter.

I began coughing, scratching at my throat with blunt fingernails.

Mama gasped in alarm and reached over the table and plucked me right from my seat and pulled me into her lap. She arranged me so that my front was facing the table with my back to her. She extended her arms around my ribs and _squeezed_.

I coughed again, and Mama released my torso, patting me harshly on the back, and when _that_ didn't work, she simply pried my mouth open and stuck her finger inside to try and get rid of the food.

Then she did something _else_ , and I began coughing harshly. Tears filled my eyes when I realised that I could breathe again, and I did so, breathing deeply through my nose.

"That's it, Kira-chan," Mama murmured in my ear, "Deep breaths. Take as long as you like."

I gasped then turned my face to her shoulder, "Hurts," I whimpered.

Mama sighed, and combed her fingers through my hair, "I know it does," she soothed, "But you're alright. You're going to be fine."

I nodded, too traumatised to answer.

"Is Kira-chan okay?" I heard Haku ask, "She's not hurt, is she?"

"Your sister's going to be fine, Haku," Mama answered, "She's not going to die. But I think she should go to bed early. Actually, the both of you should."

 _Die_. I flinched.

Mama seemed to notice me tensing, and she said, rather quickly, might I add: "What is it? What's wrong?"

I just shook my head, "Nothing," I mumbled, "I just wanna go to sleep."

Mama just shook her head, getting up from her seat with me still in her arms.

"Put me down," I protested, "I can still walk."

My response was the cold floor under my bare feet, and when my brother came to my side, I clung to him.

Mama guided us to our shared room, and when Haku and I were both settled on our futon, she smiled, said goodnight, and kissed our foreheads.

I turned to Haku and wrapped my arms around him, "Sweet dreams," I said, kissing the tip of his nose.

He smiled in return, "Sweet dreams, Kira-chan," he whispered back.

We lay in silence for a while, until I broke the peaceful silence that had accumulated between us with a question that I had been itching to ask for a long time.

"Haku?"

My brother shifted a bit, "Hmm?" he answered softly, "What is it, Kira-chan?"

I chewed on my bottom lip for a second, before slowly venturing, "Haku, are… are you afraid of dying?"

"Huh?" While Haku may only be five, I knew that he was very smart for his age, so me, his three year old sister, asking such a question was bound to make him think I was a bit weird.

What kind of three year old asked about _death_ , anyway?

"Dying?" I nodded, and through the darkness of our room, I could just make out the childish features of his face pursed together in thought, "I don't know, Kira-chan. I haven't really thought about it. I mean, it's not as if I'm going to die anytime soon, so why should I worry about it?"

 _You're going to die when you're fifteen, Haku!_ I wanted to scream at him, _You're going to die with a hand shoved through your chest and the only one that really cared about you will be dead alongside you!_

"Are _you_ scared, Kira-chan?" Haku suddenly piped up, and he propped himself up on his elbows and peered down at me with wide eyes, "Of dying, I mean. Are you scared?"

I felt my blood run as cold as my body had been on _that day_.

It had felt as if my body had been doused in _ice_.

 _Cold, icy numbness running down my body and trickling through my hands and fingers._

"N-No," I stammered, scooting closer to him for warmth, "I-I mean… I'm not afraid!" I retorted fiercely.

Haku rolled his eyes, though I was sure he knew that I was lying, "Whatever you say," he countered playfully.

The coldness of my body reminded me that it was snowing outside, and I shivered, pressing against Haku further for his body heat, even though we were squashed as far together as our bodies allowed.

"Night, night, Haku," I said sleepily, smiling up at him.

"Night, Kira-chan," he mumbled back.

There were no more words exchanged between us that night, and we both fell asleep.

 **. . .**

My face was squashed uncomfortably against the futon, and my brother's arms were wrapped snugly around me, trapping me against his form.

The only good thing about my whole position was that Haku was _incredibly_ warm. I sighed contently, almost giving in to the temptation of sleep.

But I didn't.

Instead, I curled out of my brother's embrace and crawled towards the door, sliding it open when I reached it and pulling myself to my feet.

The only person up was Papa, and he smiled at me in greeting from where he was sitting at the table.

"Hi, Papa," I chirped, taking a seat opposite him.

"Hello, Kira-chan," he greeted in his soft voice.

"What're you doing?" I asked curiously, leaning over the table to see what he was doing.

Papa smiled at me again, "I'm fixing a tool," he answered.

"Tool?" I questioned, "Is it broken?"

"Very broken," Papa responded dryly, "See this, Kira-chan?" he held something up that glinted, "This is something that will help me _very_ much."

"Does it harvest food?" I piped up.

"It _helps_ me to harvest food," Papa corrected gently, "It can't do it for me, Kira-chan. It just helps me."

"Oh," that sounded simple enough, "Is that what Haku's gonna do when he's grown up?"

Papa didn't answer, and I pouted.

"Answer me, Papa!" I cried.

Papa looked up from his _harvesting tool_ , gracing me with a somewhat irritated look, "Could you keep it down, Kira-chan?" he asked, "Your mother's still asleep and I'm trying my best to fix this, but with you carrying on in the background, it's a bit hard."

My mouth fell open, "I'm not carrying on!" I protested.

Papa looked amused, "Whatever you say, Kira-chan," he hummed.

"Yeah," I pointed a finger at him, "Whatever _I_ say!"

He chuckled a bit before getting back to his repairing work, and I looked around the room for something that I could occupy myself with.

I eyed the door, fully knowing that there was snow outside.

Before I could stop myself, I said, "Papa, I'm going outside."

"Alright, don't wander too far," he didn't even look up.

I slipped on my shoes and opened the door, eying the great expanse of white before me. I swallowed heavily before taking a step outside, the coldness shocking any sleepiness from me.

The slush beneath my shoe made a slurping/slopping noise, and I grinned at it. I took another step, and after hearing the same noise, my grin only grew wider.

Since I couldn't feel the snow on my toes like last time, I stomped on the ground, then jumped a bit, my mega-watt grin still in place when the snow beneath my feet slurped and slopped.

I took a few more steps away from the house, "It sounds like the snow's drinking itself," I giggled.

I shivered when a cold wind suddenly blasted through, slapping my hair into my face and bringing watery tears to my eyes as it passed over.

I hurriedly brushed my hair from my face and looked up at the sky, "That was mean," I told the sky and the wind that had passed through.

I pouted when no one answered, though I had expected that.

I was really cold, too.

"What to do to make myself warmer," I muttered.

I knew the logical option to keep myself warm was to just go inside, but I didn't really want to, else I'd be bored out of my mind.

Then, it popped into my head as if it had been there all along.

 _Chakra._

I knew I had it, it wasn't that hard to displace. It was the warm, flowy feeling that I sometimes felt when I was really calm and not really concentrating on a specific thing.

Would chakra make me feel warmer if I could somehow focus it?

I mean, I would have to learn it _somehow_ , right?

And I might as well try it now instead of in the future where Papa would kill us all, leaving Haku as the only survivor.

When I closed my hands and tried to focus on _something_ , I felt like an idiot.

I tried to visualise the chakra pathways, but as I didn't know exactly _where_ they were located, that plan was shot to hell, as well.

Think, Kira, think. What do ninja do when they're trying to gather chakra?

 _I have no idea._

After a while, after realising that it was futile, I let my mind wander.

I thought about trivial things, things that had nothing to do with chakra- like Haku and Mama and Papa, and what Papa would do to us when he realised that Haku and Mama possessed a Kekkei Genkai.

I thought about how I wouldn't let that happen, about how I _couldn't_ let that happen, because _damn it_ , Mama was my real mother, and Haku was my real brother in this life. Suddenly, I didn't care about my previous. Mama and Haku were my family now.

All of a sudden, I felt a tingling warm in my hand.

Confused, I brought my hand up to my face. There was a lingering glow to my fingers- the _slightest_ of glows to my fingers.

I raised my hand in the air, "I did it!" I grinned.

The problem was that I was focussing too much to bring it to the surface. _That_ was my problem.

Maybe I could find a way to control it.

I shrugged, and began my way back inside.

When I went back inside, I never noticed the lingering traces of ice on my fingers.


	4. Chapter 4: Ice

When I was four, I discovered that I enjoyed randomly grabbing onto someone's hand.

It was even better when the person, namely Papa, was unaware of me. It made the surprise on his face when he saw me all the more funny.

Soon enough, I was doing it whenever I could, and Haku soon caught onto my little game.

He would stand behind me while I crept up to either Mama or Papa, and he would have a little giggle into his hand when I grabbed onto their hand.

Mama and Papa's reactions differed.

Mama always took my little jokes in good stride and, while Haku and I had a little laugh at her expense, she would laugh along with us, squeezing my hand as she did so.

Papa on the other hand, didn't seem to think it was as funny as I did, however, and he'd always look annoyed and displeased whenever I did it.

I didn't know if he was annoyed simply because I caught him off guard all the time, or if _I_ simply annoyed him.

Either way, I didn't really care in the end, and I don't think Haku did either.

We were little children and the idea of annoying our parents was natural, as well as amusing to our very boring life.

And life _was_ boring.

Every day seemed to be a constant routine.

Get up, get dressed, wake up Haku, or, in his case, wake up _me_ , eat our very meagre breakfast, help Mama clear everything away, go outside and play and keep out of Mama and Papa's hair, then return inside for dinner, help Mama clear everything away for the _second_ time, make up our futon, and then go to sleep.

Everything we did was the same, day after day after _day_.

Our lives were so simple, and unless we suddenly became stinking rich, then I don't it would get any different.

Presently, I stood on the other end of the kitchen observing Mama cook. She was heating up some rice for our breakfast, and her back was to me- she had no idea that I was there.

I waited until she had placed the rice onto the bench beside her before I ventured up to her with silent footsteps.

I didn't hesitate in taking her hand in mine, wrapping my fingers around hers. Predictably, she tensed and, without even turning around, said, "And how are you doing this morning, Kira-chan?"

My stomach felt like it was eating itself, "Hungry," I said, pressing my free hand against my stomach.

I saw the corners of Mama's lips upturn, "You should know what's for breakfast then."

I rolled my eyes when I saw the rice in the bowl, "Rice," I answered without missing a beat, "We're having rice for breakfast. _And_ for dinner, too!"

Honestly, in my short four years of life, I was beginning to tire of rice. Rice this, rice _that_! Breakfast and dinner! All there ever was, was _rice_!

"Do me a favour, Kira-chan," Mama began, still not looking at me, "And go and wake up your brother, would you?"

I squeezed Mama's hand once before pulling my own free and turning the opposite way, all the while answering, "'Kay, Mama."

I entered mine and Haku's room a few seconds later to find my brother sprawled on the entirety of our futon. He was on his stomach, his arms and legs spread out, his head facing the room's entrance, with his dark hair messily strewn around his face and shoulders.

I huffed, so much for _myself_ being the one to take up the futon!

I walked right up to the edge of the futon and crouched down, my hands on my knees.

"Wakey, wakey, Haku!" I cried, and when he failed to respond, I scowled and raised my hands from my knees, looked at them for a second, then grinned.

"Haku, if you don't get up in thwee seconds, then I'm gonna get you!"

Haku twitched slightly, but other than that, there was no response.

 _One second._

"Haku…"

 _Two seconds._

"… you might wanna wake up now."

 _Three seconds._

I grinned again, "Thwee seconds is up, Haku," I announced sweetly, raising my hands, "It _your_ loss," I paused for a second, then added, "And _my_ win!"

I quickly lowered my hands and pressed them against his sides and wiggled my fingers a little. Haku's arms jerked a split-second later and his entire form tensed.

A strange noise spurted from his lips, and I giggled. I moved my hands to his shoulders and slightly squeezed my fingers. In reaction, Haku's body arched a bit and that strange noise from before issued from his mouth.

It was only a second later that I realised that the strange noise was, in fact, a weak giggle.

"Kira-chan," he whined in protest when I tickled him again, "Stop!"

"Hmm," I paused for effect, then grinned, "Nuh, don't think so, Haku!"

My brother, being the more mature of the two of us at the age of six, sighed, but a smile curled his lips as he said, "Why would you _do_ that to me, Kira-chan?"

 _Ah_ , so he was having a tantrum then. _Perfect_. My grin faded into a smirk, "Mama told me to wake you," I announced, my voice sickly sweet, "She never said how."

"You're mean," Haku retorted, " _And_ annoying."

His jibe didn't make me feel hurt as he probably thought it did. Instead, I twisted my face into a mock-horror expression, teasing him in a baby voice: "Aw, poor Haku is really, _really_ afraid of little ol' me, is he?"

My brother glared at me, but his expression softened slightly and he smiled a little at the joke. Good old Haku decided to humour his four year old sister, then? _Good._

"Mama made rice," I sighed, " _Again_."

Haku giggled as we walked out of our shared room, hand in hand.

 **. . .**

"Take your sister outside, would you, Haku?" Mama asked when we finished our breakfast, "It's stopped snowing, and it's a beautiful day."

Haku nodded, his chopsticks stuffed into his mouth. I grinned, then chewed slowly on the last of my rice.

"Yeah!" I cheered, then slammed my eating utensils onto the table. I got up and dusted off my kimono, "You carry me, Haku!"

"Why?" he moaned.

"'Cause I _hate_ snow," I answered bluntly.

Much to Haku's mortification, he did _indeed_ end up carrying me.

I grinned from where I was perched atop his back. Though I was wearing boots and I knew that the snow couldn't touch me, I just couldn't help myself.

I felt like I was on top of the world!

Not literally, but you get the point!

"You're heavy, Kira-chan," Haku grumbled, "And _big_."

I flicked him on the shoulder and poked my tongue out at him, despite knowing that he couldn't see me.

"Hey," my brother protested, "Now, you're just being mean, Kira-chan!"

I didn't reply to that, merely flicking him harder.

I heard a faint growl, then suddenly, my whole world tilted on its side and I met with something cold and shockingly white.

 _-I was lying on the ground, red was pooled around me. I knew that it was supposed to be warm. The red stuff was supposed to be warm. Tingles were steadily creeping up my arms, dipping into the crooks of my body. I felt ice in my mouth, sticking to my tongue, and no matter how hard I wiggled it, the ice didn't melt. It didn't go away. And then I was dead-_

I shrieked and shot up, my arms waving in every direction.

"I-I didn't… didn't- no, I'm _here!_ Not _there! Never_ there!" I babbled, perspiration filling my eyes, "I-I'm alive! _Alive!_ "

I sounded like an insane woman, and I could barely get my words out. My body was stiff and cold and my tongue was glued to the roof of my mouth, making my words sound garbled and incoherent.

My bottom lip quivering, I moaned, "I'm _alive!_ "

"Kira-chan?" Haku said, and there was a note of alarm in his voice, "What's happening?!"

"Don't know… don't know… it'll get me, it'll get me!" I sobbed hysterically.

Haku quickly crouched in front of me, his small hands going to my shoulders, "W-What'll get you?" he asked nervously, as if afraid of the answer.

I sniffed, "D-Dark," I said, "T-The dark'll get me."

Now, Haku _definitely_ looked confused, "The dark?"

I nodded frantically, launching myself at him and wrapping my legs around his waist, "Y-Yes!" I cried, "And white! The white's already got me!"

Haku's confused look transformed into a weird one, and it was as if he didn't know what to do with me, "The white? What's that?"

I wrapped my hand around his neck and forced him to look down.

"Huh, what're you doing- _oh_!" Realisation seemed to dawn on him and he pulled me closer, one arm around my shoulders reassuringly, and the other gently settled on my hair, "It's snow, Kira-chan. The white's _snow_. It won't hurt you."

I nodded doubtfully, "Uh huh, Mama said that, too," I said, "Snow- the _white's_ bad. _Really_ bad. When it's got you, it means that you're in the dark."

"What happens in the dark?" Haku asked curiously, "Is it a bad place?"

I nodded badly, "Mhm," I responded, pressing myself closer to him, "I was there once."

"When?"

"Before," I said simply, and it seemed as if my brother wanted me to elaborate.

Haku pulled me back from his body, and I whined in protest, but he shushed me rather quickly as he said, "Kira-chan, snow isn't bad. Snow's _beautiful_. It can't ever hurt you. You don't need to be afraid."

"Snow's _bad_ ," I retorted stubbornly, "It pulls you away. It pulls you into the dark."

When my brother next spoke, he suddenly sounded very serious- in fact, he sounded more serious than I had ever heard him be in his life, "How can I prove my point, Kira-chan?" he asked, "How do I make you _like_ snow instead of being afraid of it?"

"You can't," I said, " _You can't!_ "

"I _can_ ," Haku insisted, "But _how_?"

I shook my head again just as he said, "I know!"

He looked down at me and gently pulled me to my feet, "The snow isn't touching you, Kira-chan," he murmured soothingly, "You'll be fine."

To my great embarrassment, my face was sticky and wet- from my tears, no doubt. But it also felt as if the salt was _frozen_ on my face.

I watched as Haku leaned down, and he did _something_ , but I wasn't really sure. It looked like he was scooping up snow. Suddenly, images blasted through my mind, and I was reminded of the time where Mama would discover his abilities. Papa would be watching, and then he would gather up the villagers and _kill_ all of us-

 _Splat!_

My mental reverie was cut off when something cold and wet abruptly came into contact with my face.

I was stunned, and somewhere in the background, I could hear Haku giggling.

"W-What was _that_?" I asked faintly.

Haku grinned, "A snowball," he replied, "I was trying to show you that snow can be fun, and snowballs _are_ fun!"

"Snowballs?" I repeated incredulously. Was he _insane?_

"Yeah," he nodded, and he brought a hand up to my face, the tip of his finger coming into contact with my cheek. I shivered, but he didn't seem to notice, as he pressed it in a little bit, smooshing the ice on my cheek into nothing, "Snowballs are fun, though I don't know how I'm going to show you it's beautiful."

I shrugged his hand off of my face and pouted up at him, "You're mean, Haku," I told him, "Mean for throwing a snowball at my face."

My brother rolled his eyes and gently set a hand on top of my head, ruffling my hair slightly, "And _you_ cry too much, Kira-chan," he retorted with a playful smile.

I pursed my lips unhappily when I heard this, " _Not_ a cry baby!" I announced angrily, "'m _not!_ "

Then, I shoved him and ran back in the direction of the house.

I burst through the door and looked around frantically.

"Kira-chan?" a puzzled voice asked, "You've only been gone ten minutes. And where's your brother?"

I inhaled sharply, then ran toward her, throwing my arms around her waist and burying my face into her shoulder.

Mama tensed at the unexpected action, though she quickly reciprocated the action, her arms wrapping around me in turn.

"What's wrong?" she asked, "Has something happened?"

I shook my head into her shoulder, hugging her tighter than before.

When Papa finds out about Haku and Mama, he's going to kill us.

 _All_ of us.


	5. Chapter 5: Blood

I was five when everything changed for the worst.

Haku was seven, but no matter how hard I try, I can never blame him.

It isn't his fault.

And he's my brother- he's _family_. I'll always forgive him.

I love him.

 **. . .**

I'm sitting at the table, staring at my breakfast.

As usual, it's a bowl of plain white rice, and my nose wrinkles at the smell. Wait, there _is_ no smell. My chopsticks are in my fingers, my use clumsy despite years of practise. The wooden sticks nearly fall from my fingers as I bring the clumps of rice to my mouth.

The rice is tasteless- _as usual._

Haku is giggling at my expression from across the table. I glower at him and he laughs harder. His thin little cheeks have dimples, I noticed.

I smile back at him.

My brother's smile only widens and he nods at me.

He wants me to finish my food.

 _Of course._

"Humph," I grumble through a mouthful of rice, and I swallow it, before snapping, "I hate rice! It's the boringest food ever created!"

I see Mama smile at my childishness, while Haku attempted to correct me on my language. Of course he would. He always does. I secretly think he only does it because it makes him seem smarter than me.

He probably is.

"Kira-chan," Haku said loudly, "You have to finish it. Else it'll _all_ go to waste."

"If she doesn't eat it now," Papa's voice sounded, "Then she'll have more to eat when dinner comes 'round."

I stiffened at the sound of his voice. Ah, Papa seems to be getting bolder these days. And Haku's getting older.

It'll be any day now.

The day he kills us, I mean.

I didn't want to die again. I'd already died _once_ and I didn't want to repeat the experience. So, quite honestly, I was terrified. And I didn't look forward to the day that I would be skewered by a sword-

"Kira-chan," Papa said, and I froze in mid-chew, "Are you going to eat the rest of your breakfast or go outside and play with Haku?"

I'll go outside, thanks. I don't really want to stay inside with _you_ , thank you very much!

I attempted to stuff the remainder of the rice into my mouth, but I felt too sick to do so. I set the chopsticks onto the table and crossed my arms.

"I'll go outside with Haku," I announced as cheerfully as I could, though it sounded lacklustre to my earlier happier food. But Papa had ruined it when he had walked in.

He always did.

"Come on, Kira-chan," Haku called from his place beside the door.

Huh, when did he get over there? I glanced back at Papa. Oh, he must have when I was talking with _him_.

I obediently got to my feet and trotted over to the door. I slipped my boots on and bunched my kimono around my legs so that I wasn't uncomfortable, then turned to my brother.

"Let's go," I chirped, slipping my hand into his.

He nodded his agreement and opened the door, pulling me after him. I stumbled the first few steps or so, but quickly righted myself.

I looked forward and saw the corners of Haku's lips quirking upwards. I fumed, the little twit was amused by my clumsiness.

"It's the snow's fault!" I snapped childishly, "Blame it on the white!"

"Mhm," my brother nodded in agreement, "It knows you hate it, so it's having revenge on you."

"By making me stumble?" I nearly shrieked, then winced at the sound of my own voice, "What kind of revenge is _that_?!"

"The best kind," Haku responded happily.

I frowned at his answer. Why would revenge even _be_ good? It was bad, it consumed you mind and soul until you could focus on nothing but the revenge itself.

I could be wrong though. I was still only young, and I'd had a fairly happy life in this world, minus the panic attacks. It would continue to be happy until Papa ruined it and killed us all.

It wouldn't be today, that was for sure.

Suddenly, something cold and wet hit my face, and I instinctively shuddered. I tugged Haku closer to me and hugged him from behind, burying my face into his shoulder.

"Haku," I murmured, my voice muffled from the fabric of his shirt, "It's cold."

"I know," my brother answered cheerfully, " _And_ it's snowing. Come on, look up, Kira-chan! It's _really_ pretty!"

"Don't care," I muttered, "It's white. And cold, _and_ wet. Snow's _bad_!"

"But it's pretty _and_ fun. Please, Kira-chan," Haku whined, turning his head to look at me, "Appreciate snow for me. Appreciate its beauty. You already know it's fun, so I only have to show you how pretty it is."

I huffed, but his face was pleading, his eyes huge and dark. I reluctantly nodded, "Okay, fine! But only this one time!"

Haku turned fully, making me shift my grip so that one of my hands was clutching his and the other was still resting on his shoulder. He leaned forward and planted a wet kiss on my cheek, "Thanks, Kira-chan," he smiled.

In retaliation, I leaned forward and swiftly kissed his forehead, "Idiot," I mumbled, "'Course I'll do it. I'd do _anything_ for you."

And I meant it. I'd probably take a sword for him if it meant that he could live. And, no matter how terrified I was at the prospect of dying, I probably _would_ take Papa's sword for him.

Haku's smile only seemed to widen before he pushed me away slightly, his hand still clasped around mine, "I'll show you something!" he stated happily, "I only found out how to do it yesterday, but you'll love it, Kira-chan! It's really pretty!"

I raised an eyebrow at his enthusiasm. Nothing was good _or_ pretty about snow. It was only white, and cold, and wet, and _death_ -

I blinked, then shook my head slightly to clear away the images.

I attempted to smile back at Haku, but it probably looked shaky and forced, "What's that then, Haku?"

He released our hands and, with that huge grin still plastered on his face, he cupped his hands together and seemed to _pull_ something from the air.

I watched as the snow seemed to come together, forming into a tiny slump, and was that _water?_

Haku was holding a little ball of water and snow. _Holy-_

I cut off the thought before it could fully form, and I was just frozen. I didn't know how to react. And then, did you know what Haku did next?

The idiot _threw_ the little ball at me, and I instinctively threw my hands out, and imagine my horror when the snow water collided with my skin. It was cold and wet, and _not_ pretty in the least-

"You caught it, Kira-chan!" Haku exclaimed, but he was frowning unhappily, "You weren't supposed to, though. You were supposed to let it hit the ground."

"Why?" My throat formed hollow words, so deeply immersed in my horror that it probably didn't even _sound_ right.

Haku's little ball of water and snow was sitting innocently in my hands. It was teetering dangerously to falling off, but by then, I couldn't care less.

How the _hell_ could I keep it there, fully formed no less! It wasn't as if I had…

Oh, God, I didn't have it, did I? I just _couldn't_.

There was _no_ way. I hadn't shown any signs and I utterly despised snow-

I crushed the snow water between my hands, and my brother cried out in protest, "Kira-chan! You're not supposed to _crush_ it-"

"Shut up!" I snarled, and Haku shrank back, hurt flashing across his eyes.

I flinched at that and curled a fist, watching the water run through my fingers and down my arm. I didn't mean to do it. He should know that, should know that I never meant to hurt him.

"I-I'm sorry," I murmured, wrapping my arms around myself, "But never do that again, Haku. It's bad, and if you do it, then…"

I trailed off, unwilling to finish the sentence, and I shuddered a little. I wasn't crying, but I was very near close to.

"That's what Mama told me yesterday," Haku responded miserably, "But she would understand, wouldn't she? She'd understand that I only wanted to make you happy."

My mouth fell open. _Oh, God…_

 _Mama knows. Mama knows, and if Mama knows, then Papa…_

He'd know, too.

"Papa doesn't know, does he?" I asked, my mouth dry, despite the chilling temperatures outside.

"Know what?" Haku answered, as blissfully ignorant as ever, "Papa wasn't even there, and he's supposed to leave again today."

I was horror-filled, and I was frozen. I didn't know what to do, didn't know what to say. Was Mama already dead? And was Papa waiting there to finish us off himself? Did he want to be the one to kill his children?

I didn't really waste any time thinking about it.

I shoved Haku in the opposite direction of the house, "Run!" I shrieked, "Run while you still can!"

"What-" he was cut off when I shoved him again, "Stop it, Kira-chan! Tell me what's wrong!"

"Something horrible's going to happen," I whimpered, ducking my head in shame, "And I don't want it to happen to you, too."

Haku suddenly picked me up, and I was manoeuvred onto his back. I wrapped my arms around his neck instinctively, and he took off at a run back toward the house.

"No, Haku!" I cried into his ear, and I really was crying now, the salty perspiration sliding down my cheeks in big fat drops, "You can't!"

My brother ignored me so I pounded on his back, "Haku, let me go! Let me go-"

I was cut off when my butt abruptly met the ground, and Haku continued forwards, leaving me there on the ground. And I cried and screamed and raged.

I curled up into a ball on the ground, my tears drying on my face.

I was there for a long time, possibly hours, and Haku had left me. He had _left_ me.

I was silent.

And then an arm wrapped around my middle and I was lifted into the air.

I saw Papa's face, and oh _God_ , he was going to kill me. That was it, I was done, finished-

I started crying.

Papa's face contorted hatefully.

"Shut up!" he screamed, and then he looked sad, and he was crying with me.

My cries were muffled by the fabric of his kimono and I felt us moving.

I heard other murmurs, voices. He must have brought the others to murder us.

I didn't even react when I was dropped roughly on the ground, and I landed on my stomach.

I was still crying when Papa showed us the sword he had. It was long and thin but not rusted. Not that I could see it through a blur of my tears.

Tears were streaming down Papa's face as he edged towards us, "I'm sorry!" he screamed wildly, and he plunged the sword down. I heard it meet flesh, but it wasn't my own.

I choked back a scream and got to my feet, spinning around on the spot.

The sword had pierced Mama's shoulder, and blood was pouring from her mouth.

"Mama!" I cried, but she couldn't hear me.

Her eyes were glassy and faded. She was dead.

I sort of went numb there, and I didn't care whether I lived or died. Papa was still going to kill us. He'd already proved that with Mama.

Papa then removed the sword and I flinched at the sound of the metal leaving skin. He took a step towards me, and I couldn't see his eyes with his hair shadowing them, but tears were still falling down his face.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed, and then he plunged the sword down.

I raised my hands.

Then screamed.

My hands was pulsing with white-hot pain, and I was horrified at the sight of the sword that had just slid through, severing nerves and skin.

"Your fault!" I screamed, still crying, and I screamed even louder when the sword was pulled out, "All your fault! You killed Mama! I hate you!"

My sobs were huge and heavy, my thin shoulders shaking with the effort of staying awake.

My vision was going black.

Papa stumbled away, then ran toward Haku.

Haku was in the corner, his eyes squeezed shut and his face pinched in misery and sadness.

Then something happened, and everything went cold. I heard a huge _rush_ , then cracks and screams of pain.

I shut my eyes and fell to the side, my bleeding hand pulsing with pain.

And then there was nothing, no pain, no sadness, and no loss.

Everything was gone.


	6. Chapter 6: Tears

I slowly came back to awareness.

My eyes felt itchy and my face felt hot.

My head was resting on something soft and I could feel something resting in my hair. It was gentle, so gentle that I could barely feel the tug on the tips of my bangs.

I could feel my left hand throbbing and burning with pain, but I couldn't move it. In fact, I couldn't move at all. My body felt like a huge hot flush and it was slightly hard to breathe.

I tried to open my eyes.

All I got was a blur of colour before I hissed and was forced to close them.

I tried to lift my right arm, and was relatively successful, though it remained as heavy as a rock. I draped it over my closed eyes, and thing in my hair shifted as if in shock.

"Kira-chan?" it was a whisper, so soft that I could barely hear it, "Are you awake?"

The voice was cracked with emotion, and I forced out a groan in response.

I felt awful! What was wrong with me?

I also felt exhausted, despite only just waking up. What had happened to make me so tired? _And_ feel so horrible?

The voice said something again, but I didn't reply.

"Kira-chan?" the voice was insistent, and it wouldn't back down, "Y-You're not d-dead, are you?"

 _Dead._

I flinched, and I suddenly remembered what happened. I remembered why I felt so awful, remembered how my hand had been injured.

It all came flooding back into my head.

- _"I'm sorry," he sobbed, and he plunged the sword down, and I felt it go straight through my hand, and I screamed because he was my Papa and he wasn't supposed to do that, and it hurt so, so much. And then the sword came back out and I screamed even louder, and then I felt intense rage, because this would have never happened had Papa not seen us, and I screamed at him, "All your fault! You killed Mama! I hate you!" And then he ran toward Haku-_

I felt tears bubble in my eyes, and they fell through the cracks of my fingers and down my face, leaving streaks of salty perspiration on my burning cheeks.

"G-Gone," I whispered, my voice a hoarse croak, and I felt the thing (and I knew they were hands) in my hair move down to my face, softly cupping my cheeks, small fingers splayed about my skin.

"Y-You're going to be f-fine, Kira-chan," the voice whispered, and I pulled my hand from my face and opened my eyes, nearly reeling from the great blur of brightness that invaded my field of vision.

My throat was suddenly tight, and I could feel a huge weight. My eyes felt swollen, and they stung harshly when exposed by the light.

Haku's earnest face stared back at me, and I blinked again. I pulled my face away from his hands and bumped into something. A knee, I thought dazedly. _Haku's_ knee. My head was resting in his lap, but I didn't care.

I suddenly sat up, and nearly gagged from the blood rushing to my head.

My hand was throbbing and my head was pounding. I couldn't think straight.

I turned my head to look over my shoulder.

Haku gazed back at me, a shine to his dark eyes. There were dark shadows underneath them, and they were bloodshot. His cheeks were wet.

He had been crying.

My mouth opened before I could think, "Where's Mama?"

My brother stiffened, and he remained silent. A few moments later, his shoulders began to shake, "S-She's gone!" he suddenly cried, and he flinched as soon as he said it, "So is Papa!"

He sent me a look that was almost accusing in its nature, and this time, _I_ flinched. Dread pounded in my stomach and I was left with a coppery taste in my mouth.

 _H-He's right_ , I thought distantly, _It's all my fault. I knew about this! I could have done something to stop it! If… If only I'd gotten there faster! I could have stopped Papa, or even told Mama about it!_

My stomach twisted into knots and my throat felt clogged up, _All my fault! If I hadn't existed, then they would still be alive! But they're not!_ I swallowed, _They're dead!_ _ **Dead-dead-dead**_ _!_

Something dripped down my face and when I opened my mouth, a sob ripped from my throat and I fell to my knees, my hands tangling in with the bloodied fabric of my kimono.

I was crying desperately, hiding my face in my knees, "All… my fault!" I gasped, pressing my burning cheek into my knee, "My fault!"

 _ **Dead-dead-dead!**_ _They're all dead! All my fault!_

A thump echoed, and I could hear Haku's soft sobs fill the air with my own.

My throat felt raw and my eyes stung when I opened them. I could feel tears still running down my face when I lifted my head up.

Haku was on his knees, his eyes staring blankly at the ground, an agonised expression on his face with his lips downturned. His eyes were shining with perspiration, the tears sliding down his cheeks. But he didn't seem to notice them, and was gritting his teeth so as to not cry out.

I gritted my own teeth and found myself crawling over to him. I put my arms around him and pulled him close.

He stiffened in my arms, but I slipped my hand into his and nestled my head onto his shoulder.

I wanted him to comfort me, but I wanted to comfort him, too.

And, as if a dam had been broken, the both of us collapsed in each other's arms and began to cry.

 **. . .**

My face was nestled in something warm, and my eyelids fluttered. They cracked open and I felt the heat rush back to my face. My head was suddenly pounding again, and I pushed back from whatever I was leaning against with a low groan.

A sudden throb in my hand made me look down.

My left hand was caked in blood and it had been wrapped haphazardly, and I could feel the warm blood underneath the soiled cloth oozing.

I pulled it off.

I stared at my hand.

It was a long, nearly jagged slice, and very deep. Warm red blood and yellow pus seeped from the wound and it felt as if it had been stabbed.

Where had it come from?

I had just woken up and it was there.

I sighed, and I wondered why my eyes felt itchy. I raised a hand to my cheek, only to find my fingers were wet.

Had I… been _crying?_

I looked back, only to find Haku on the ground, nestled up against the wall, his arms tucked splayed about his stomach as if he had been protecting himself.

But why would he need to protect himself? Wouldn't Mama do it for him?

 _Mama…_

It was strangely silent, and I couldn't hear her in the kitchen. She must have slept in then, I reasoned.

I looked about my and Haku's room, and I saw our unmade futon. I quickly grabbed the blanket and headed over to my brother, draping it over him.

His face was turned away from me and draped in shadow by his long hair. It also looked wet. Had Haku been crying, too?

I turned back to the door, and when I took a step, dizziness overcame me. I staggered for a second before righting myself.

I walked out of the room, and I wondered where Mama was.

I didn't hear her in the kitchen, with her usual humming when she prepared us our breakfast.

When I walked out of our room, I stopped short.

There was a giant icicle in front of me.

"The hell?" I muttered.

Why was _that_ there? Where was Mama?

I turned and nearly fell over. There were more icicles, some were jutting out of the ground, and some, even the _wall_.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted something.

I nearly gagged out of sheer disgust when I saw what it was.

It was a _person_ and they were pinned to the wall by the ice.

I saw black hair that flowed to their cheek and I froze.

It was Papa. And he was pinned to the wall by an _icicle_.

I began to panic. Where was Mama? Had the ice hurt her, too?

I saw something nestled against the wall, and I rushed over to it, nearly falling over in the process. I could see long black hair, but there was so much blood. Were they okay? Then I realised it was Mama.

Tears of sheer raged bubbled in my eyes and I let loose a scream, falling to my knees and burying my face in my hands.

Who had done this?

Then, I remembered, and I don't even know how I could forget.

" _You_ did it!" I screamed at Papa's body, " _You!_ All your fault! You killed Mama! I hate you!"

I started crying even more, and that was when I noticed something shimmer. I reached my good hand out and pulled it back, feeling something sharp bite into my fingers, but I didn't care, I only squeezed it harder.

I pulled it into my lap and felt the coolness push into my skin. I pushed down harder, and was satisfied when I felt the pain.

"All _my_ fault!" I wept, pushing it down harder, "I should have done something! Should have told Mama!"

Pain flowed up my arm, but that only made me press down harder, then-

"Kira!"

It was Haku's voice, and he sounded overwrought.

"Get rid of that!" he cried out hysterically, and he rushed to my side, pulling the away the thing in my hand.

I cried out in protest and Haku levelled me with a tense gaze, "What were you doing?!"

"N-Nothing!" I protested, and in response, my brother pulled my arm up to my face.

I flinched at the sight of it. There were deep gouges that were already bleeding, and a few shallow ones that were throbbing in pain.

The pain brought me back to reality.

"You were trying to kill yourself!" Haku accused, and his voice broke as he choked out, "Y-You were going to kill yourself, and I would've been left alone. _YOU WERE TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF!_ "

I began to sob, pulling my arm to my chest, and I felt my heart beating a thousand times a second.

"I-I'm sorry!" I sobbed, "I didn't mean it. It's my fault, all my fault!"

"No," Haku denied, slumping, crestfallen, " _My_ fault. Not yours, _mine_. If I hadn't done that stupid snow thing, then everything would've been fine. I'll _never_ do it again. _Ever_."

I looked down at my arm again, but I couldn't see anything. All I could comprehend was a simple blur of colours.

I felt my own self-shame bubble to the surface, as well as my guilt. The guilt that I could have done something to prevent this, as well as the guilt of forgetting that it had ever happened.

I began to cry in earnest then, and when Haku tried to wrap his arms around me, I shied away from his touch. I didn't want his comfort. I didn't deserve it.

He probably hated me. I did nothing to stop Papa killing Mama, and then I forgot what happened. And then I would have left him all alone.

I was weak. _So weak._

"You can't touch me, Haku!" I cried, bringing my hands to my face and smearing blood all over my cheeks, "You'll hate me!"

"No," he denied, "I don't hate you. S'not _your_ fault. It's _mine_. And I couldn't hate you. You're my sister, I _love_ you."

"How?" I demanded, "How can you forgive me for trying to leave you?"

Haku looked down at his hands, "I'm your brother," he murmured, and when he look up again, his eyes were shining with tears, his hands began to shake, "And big brothers are supposed to protect their siblings. And then you tried to kill yourself, and I-…"

He couldn't finish his sentence, and he broke down much like he had the previous day. With his shoulders shaking and his hands in his lap.

I wrapped my bleeding arm around him and pulled him close.

"We'll… we'll survive, Haku," my voice cracked, "I-I'll take care of you. I won't leave you."

"Promise?" his voice was muffled, his face buried in my shoulder.

No matter my own heartbreak and loss, or self-shame and guilt, I knew I could never leave him.

"I promise."


	7. Chapter 7: Bitter

I think I must have fallen asleep, because I was suddenly waking up, gasping huge lungful's of air. My head was pounding like I had been bashed over the head by something, and my hand was throbbing like crazy.

My arm wasn't much better either.

My eyes were crusty from sleep, and I struggled to open them.

Haku's arms were around me and his head was pressed into my shoulder. We had cried ourselves to sleep, and I had no doubt that when he woke up, he would be feeling just as bad as me. And, somehow, we had made our way back into our room. But I couldn't remember how.

I was freezing, and I wasn't wearing anything but my bloodstained kimono and my boots.

Mama's death was like a blow to the stomach for me. Whenever I thought about her, I couldn't draw breath. But Papa was even worse. Whenever I thought about him, about what he _did_ , something awful burned inside me.

He was our father, he was supposed to care for us, _love_ us, and we had trusted him to do that, only for him to stab us in the back when he found out that there was something _unnatural_ about us.

And him being scared would never justify his actions. I don't think I could ever forgive him.

I hated him.

I hated him for what he did, for what had been said (he had said _sorry_ ), but most of all, I hated him for betraying us.

 _I hate him- I hate him-_ _ **I hate him**_ -

I heard a creak, and I froze. Murmurs echoed, voices- then, the sound of a door slamming.

"-holy shit!" a voice exclaimed, "Look at all those bodies, strung up on the walls like that! It's a bloodbath!"

Haku stirred from his place next to me, and his voice was a mere whisper, but it still sounded like it reverberated off of the walls, "Kira-chan…?"

I shushed him as quietly as I could and pressed a single bloodied finger to my lips. He looked confused, but when he heard the creak, he suddenly understood, and he clasped a hand to his face, looking horrified.

"Shut up, you idiot!" someone else harshly whispered, though we could still hear the voice through the paper thin walls, "You don't know _what's_ in here to cause all of that blood."

"Yeah…" the first voice trailed off, and I heard the footsteps grow softer, almost as if they were walking _away_ from us.

I breathed a sigh of relief, but I stiffened when the second voice said, "Hold on, we're not out of the woods yet. What do you think's behind that door?"

A pause, then-

"The door with all the blood?"

From his place beside me, Haku gasped, and he pulled my fingers into his hand, squeezing harshly.

I kept my own death grip on his hand.

From the corner of my eye, I saw something glimmer silver, and I reached for it immediately, cringing when it bit into my hand with its sharp razor bite.

I nearly threw it away when I saw what it was.

It was the sword. The sword that had murdered my Mama, the sword that had nearly murdered _me_.

It sat innocently in my lap, the sharp blade crusted with dried blood, and new blood- _my_ blood- was dripping off of the very end.

I suddenly hated this sword. It had ruined my life and it should be destroyed. But it was a weapon. The only weapon that we had against the two strangers outside.

Our only weapon against _every_ stranger.

The footsteps sounded again, and they stopped right outside the door. I clutched the sword tighter, with my arm, keeping my death grip on Haku's hand as I did so.

"Are you sure we should open this?" the first voice said, "I mean, what if the thing that killed everyone is in there?"

"We kill it," the second voice snapped.

My eyes widened, and in an instant, I was on my feet, shoving Haku behind me, and grasping the sword's handle with my good hand.

The sword weighed quite a bit, despite it looking thin, and my arm- the one with the gouges on it- shook as I struggled to keep the sword upright.

I aimed it in front of me, and right then, the door opened.

The person on the other side was frozen, and I pointed the sword at them as threateningly as I could.

"Move and I'll kill you," I said coldly, swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat.

Someone's face looked over the person's shoulder, and I could see that it was a dopey looking boy with dark, shaggy hair.

"Eh, it's a little girl!" he exclaimed.

The other person was a boy, too, and he huffed in annoyance, "I think that's obvious, idiot."

The dopey boy shoved the shorter one aside and peered inside. I felt sick to my stomach when his gaze seemed to zero in over my shoulder. He grinned, "Hey, there's another one, too!"

I stiffened and thrust the sword forward.

He cried out in alarm and swerved to avoid it, and the force of the swing caused me to topple forward, and I managed to catch myself on my knees.

"What the hell, kid?!" he demanded, "Are you _trying_ to kill me?"

I raised my head and attempted a glare, and it must have worked somehow, for his eyes widened ever so slightly and he shook his head.

"God, you look like a little monster with all that blood on you," he muttered, and he advanced toward me.

I dropped the sword, hearing it land on the ground with a clatter, and I dragged myself back, boxing myself in the corner.

"The hell happened to you?" he continued, "Were _you_ the one who killed all those people out there?"

"Don't be stupid," the first boy scoffed, "She's only a little kid. There's no _way_ that she could have killed everyone out there."

The second boy turned his head, "Stop being so insensitive, Chiaki. The kid looks like she's gone through hell."

"And what are you suggesting to fix that?" 'Chiaki' glared, "Take her back with us?"

The unnamed boy simply grinned and crouched down in front of me. I glared at him again, though I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest. Was he going to kill me?

The boy reached his hand out, "Hey, I'm not gonna hurt you, kid," he said gently, "But I can't help you when you're boxed in the corner like that."

Help me? He wanted to _help_ me?

I stared up at him in distrust, before discreetly glancing toward Haku. He was nestled back against the far wall, and they weren't focussing on him even though they'd seen him. Good.

First of all, I needed to somehow get rid of them. If they knew what we could do, then they'd kill us just like Papa tried to.

I couldn't let that happen.

My eyes narrowed into my customary glare, and when I spotted the glimmering silver from the corner of my eye, my lips titled up a fraction.

The boy looked puzzled onto why I was smiling, and his mouth opened as if he was going to say something, but I lunged to the side and my hand met with the cool handle of the sword.

I shakily got to my feet and pressed both hands to the handle, uncaring of the pain that lanced through my bad hand, and pointed it straight at his neck.

"J-Just leave us alone," I said, hating how my voice shook.

As soon as I said that, the other boy- Chiaki, I think his name was- was on me, and he pushed me against the wall, his hand going straight for the sword.

I cried out in alarm, dropping my weapon in surprise, and I nestled against the wall with my eyes closed, holding my hands up to my face as if to ward off a blow.

The sword was going to come straight down onto me, and this time, it would go through me, like it did to Mama, and all of my blood would come out, and I would be dead. Just like Mama.

Only, it never happened.

My eyes snapped open, and I found myself gazing into deep, dark, and intense eyes.

He was right in my face, and his dark hair brushed my nose as he pulled back slightly.

Chiaki looked annoyed, "Just relax," he snapped, "I'm not going to hurt you."

I was confused. He was going to kill me, but now he wasn't?

"Idiot," he huffed, turning to the other boy, and I saw that he had my sword in his hand, "You might want to work on your reflexes next time. You nearly got killed by a little girl."

The other boy was already on his feet and glowering down at Chiaki, "Yeah, well, _you_ need to work on growing."

Chiaki was glaring now, "Are you calling me small?"

"You're eight years old," the boy said flatly, "With a rather extended vocabulary, might I add," here, he paused, and he grinned, adding, "And yes, you _are_ small."

"But I'm smarter," Chiaki deadpanned.

The boy groaned, "Are we really having this argument when there's a psychotic little girl who wants to kill us _right_ there?"

I huffed at being psychotic. _They_ were the ones who had invaded my home.

Who knew what they would do to us now that our only weapon was gone.

I glanced toward Haku. He was still huddled against the wall. Without a word, I glanced at the still squabbling pair before silently making my way over to my brother.

I sat down next to him and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his shoulder, "I'm scared," I murmured against him, my words muffled against his shirt.

Haku rested his chin on the top of my head, "Y-You shouldn't be, Kira-chan," he answered softly, " _I'll_ protect you."

As if the two boys had noticed me walking over to my brother (which they probably had), they stopped their argument in favour of gazing straight at us.

"You really want to take them back with us," Chiaki stated, and there was a rustling of cloth, as if he was shaking his head, "You know Asahi won't be very happy with another two mouths to feed."

"Do you think I really care?" the other boy answered, "She knows perfectly well that she can't go against me."

"Because you're the temporary leader while Ren is away, blah, blah, blah," Chiaki was probably rolling his eyes, "I've heard it all. I _know_. So stop boasting about it, idiot."

Said idiot merely sniffed, "Stop calling me an idiot then," he countered, "And then we'll be even."

"Stay down," Haku suddenly whispered into my ear, "I'll take care of this."

"Haku!" I was alarmed, "They're bigger and stronger than you. You won't last a second against them!"

He didn't reply, and I shuffled back against the wall, closing my eyes and feeling fearful about what was about to come. Surely they would kill us?

I heard Haku speaking, but I drowned everything out.

But I still caught snippets of their conversation.

"-the hell!" the unnamed boy was saying, " _You_ killed them?! But you're tiny! And they're huge!"

I finally opened my eyes to see my brother's eyes drawn together in a glare. He looked incredibly serious, but he still managed to look as miserable as I felt at the same time.

He was tired and sad, and, like me, he just wanted it all to end.

"Can you help us?" Haku said, "Because I heard you saying something about taking Kira away."

"Kira?" the boy asked, "Is that the girl over there? The one with the shitload of blood all over her?"

Haku tensed, but clenched his jaw and nodded, then, he suddenly blustered, "Well, you're not taking her from me! She stays with me!"

"Then you'll die from starvation," Chiaki said flatly, and I tensed when his eyes shifted to me, "The both of you."

"C'mon, kid," the boy said earnestly, "You don't wanna stay in this dump. We can help you. We have a safe place to sleep, and we have food and medicine. A lot of stuff that this village of yours doesn't have."

"What's in it for you?" Haku asked, still suspicious. Good, because I sure as hell didn't trust them. Because, why would they offer two strange kids with blood all over them a safe place to stay?

"Nothing," Chiaki answered, clearly exasperated, "We can leave if you want. You don't _need_ to come with us."

"Chiaki," the unnamed boy barked, "They're _kids_. Tiny, _little_ kids. We can't just leave them here. I'd feel horrible if something happened to them and I just left them."

Chiaki hesitated, and I decided then that I should get up.

My head was still pounding from earlier, and my steps were unsteady, but I still made it to my brother's side.

"Who are you?" I asked bluntly.

The boy scratched the back of his head sheepishly, as if he hadn't even considered that question. An easy grin tugged at his mouth, "Sorry, guess that just slipped my mind. The name's Yori, and that shrimp there-" he pointed at Chiaki, "-is Chiaki."

"I'm _not_ a shrimp," Chiaki muttered, and he glowered up at the taller boy, "You're just older, is all."

Yori _was_ very tall compared to Chiaki, but he was probably fourteen or fifteen. He had dark, shaggy locks that hung around his face and dark-brown eyes.

Chiaki looked almost girlish compared to him, and he was very short, only coming up to the middle of Yori's chest. His hair was long and dark, hanging just past his shoulders in wild spiky clumps.

Apparently he was only eight years old.

"What do you want?" I asked quietly, and I reached out for Haku's hand, tangling our fingers together.

"To help you," Yori said instantly, "Because, to be honest, this place is a dump. And it's even creepier with the fact that there's people hanging from the ceiling out there."

"Did you kill them?" Chiaki asked flatly, "There's a woman out there that's not pinned to the wall. There was blood running down her face."

"That's my Mama," I murmured, and I looked down at my hand in remembrance, "Papa killed her. He tried to kill me, too."

Chiaki looked intensely curious, and he tilted his head, "Did you kill him?"

I refused to answer, and why _should_ I? I didn't know him. He was a complete stranger.

"We'll take you back with us," Yori murmured, "Both of you. You can't stay here, and you'll die on your own."

I didn't want to go with them, I didn't know them. What if they had ulterior motives?

"Okay."

I looked to my brother in shock.

He took a deep breath, "We'll go with you," he ploughed on, "But we can leave whenever you want."

Yori nodded, "Fine."

My hand felt like it was on fire, and I glanced down at it, horrified to see the pus oozing from the wound, colouring the bright red blood yellow.

I felt dizzy and I had such a headache. I suddenly swayed on the spot and I heard Haku cry out.

His arm prevented me from falling over and I had to lean against him so I didn't collapse.

"Are you okay?" he asked me frantically, his eyes wide in concern.

I smiled sleepily. I was so tired.

"Yeah," I slurred.

Then the world tilted on its axis and everything went black.


	8. Chapter 8: Febricity

I drifted in and out of consciousness, and sometimes, I could hear voices.

" _The hell happened to her, kid?"_

" _We were attacked."_

" _I can see that, but by who?"_

I drifted.

Everything was dark when I next woke, and I could feel the burning pain in both of my arms. It throbbed, white-hot pain lancing down to my fingers.

I felt something cool press to my face, and a sound passed through my lips at the soothing feeling. It was nice and cold, unlike my arms.

I could hear voices.

"-ey, I think she's waking up!" It sounded like a girl.

"No shit." Yori.

"I should get Asahi then," the girl said, "She'll want to see her."

"Seriously, Eirin, just let the kid sleep. God knows she needs it."

I felt something soft squeeze my fingers, but all I could seem to focus on was the horrid burning pain in my arms. It felt like I was being stabbed by something sharp. Like-

- _Papa's sword._

"C-mon, Haku," Yori murmured, "I don't think she's gonna squeeze back. She's too out of it."

"Her fever's _just_ starting to come down," the girlish voice responded. There was a rustle, then: "I'm going to get Asahi anyway. She was starting to wake up just then."

"Then that means she'll be fine?" Haku asked eagerly.

"Sorry, kid," Yori said regretfully, "Just 'cause her fever's coming down doesn't mean she's out of the danger zone."

There was a thump, and then Yori groaned. "The hell was that for, Eirin?!"

"You shouldn't say things like that to a little kid!" Eirin snapped, "Ren always told me that the first night is crucial, and you know what? _She survived the first night!_ Hear where I'm coming from, Yori?!"

"Fine, _fine_!" he snapped, "I _get_ it! You hear that, Haku? Kira's not gonna die. She'll be just fine."

"Good." Haku sounded relieved. Then, I dimly felt something warm lace around my fingers and squeeze, just like before.

"Haku," Yori said flatly, "She's _not_ gonna squeeze back. She's completely dead to the world."

I squeezed back.

 **. . .**

I drifted for a while.

I don't know how long it was, but sometimes, I could catch a snippet of voices and various different noises.

But the first time that I woke up for _real_ , light flooded my eyes and I had to blink back the tears that welled up in response.

There was something warm wrapped around my right hand, and I could feel something equally warm curled up against me.

When my vision cleared, the first thing I saw was Haku's face.

His face was pale and relaxed in sleep, though I didn't fail to notice the dark shadows under his eyes. He looked cleaner than he had the last time I'd seen him.

What had happened?

But I already knew.

Mama was dead. Papa had killed her. And if I had heard correctly, then _Haku_ had killed Papa _._

I looked down at my arms.

My right arm was wrapped all the way up to the elbow in bandages, and my left hand was also wrapped up.

Any movement I made with them created painful tingles.

It wasn't as if I cared anyway.

Mama was dead. Papa was dead, so why the hell should I continue on?

Haku hadn't let me continue with the sword, so what was stopping me from getting up this very second and finding something else to finish the job?

And then I remembered.

I remembered us all bloody and holding each other as we cried a river of tears, and Haku had latched onto me, and I had latched onto him, and I told him that we would be fine, and that I would _never_ leave him.

I stared at Haku, of the unworried, relaxed expression on his face. But the shiny spots on his cheeks and the dark circles underneath his eyes suggested otherwise.

He had been worried, was _still_ worried, even when he was still asleep.

I suddenly felt ashamed of myself.

Haku didn't need someone like… like _me_. A person who was so weak and cowardly that they couldn't even bear to live anymore.

I was weak, cowardly, sick, and afraid.

I paused.

I was so, _so_ scared. Scared of dying, scared of _living_ , and I was sick to _death_ of always having to look over my shoulder whenever Papa was around, as if he would snap and kill us all in an instant.

Haku didn't need someone like that.

He was sweet… _pure_. He didn't need someone like me tainting that.

But I also knew that he was afraid, afraid of losing the last person he had in this world, just like me. And I had promised to never leave him, to always be with him and take care of him, like I knew he would do with me.

I felt so disgusted with myself after what I did. I had been so selfish, unwilling to consider just what my leaving could potentially do to him.

And now that I was just lying there, I could feel vibrations under the futon I was lying in. It was as if we were… _moving._

But how was that was possible?

Last time I checked, I was in the house where…

I couldn't even finish the thought.

Mama was dead. Papa was dead. That was that. Nothing could be done to reverse time, and I would have to get over it.

It was easier said than done.

I turned to lay on my stomach, my face buried in the thin pillow that Haku and I shared. His arm was loosely tossed over my waist and his other one was cushioned underneath his head.

I could feel something wet sliding down my face, and strangely, my entire body felt soaked. My shoulders shook slightly and I felt ashamed at the pitiful noises that escaped me.

Was I really that pathetic?

A little while later, I felt something stirring next to me, and then a tentative hand was placed on my back, feeling incredibly cool on my heated skin.

"Kira?" my brother whispered tremulously, "Are… what's wrong?"

I didn't reply, merely turned to face him, regarding him quietly.

Some time passed, and I was content to remain like that, quiet and pretending that nothing was wrong. But that wasn't the truth, that wasn't reality, and I knew that I couldn't keep angsting about it forever.

"They're dead, Haku," I said quietly, _bitterly_ , "It's my fault." _All my fault. It should have been me._

"No!" Haku cried, his hands going to my arms, making me wince, but he didn't seem to notice as he continued on determinedly: "It's _not_ your fault! Papa saw me doing the ice thing, saw Mama slap me! He knew it was wrong!"

 _Mama slapped him?_

But that didn't matter anymore, because all I could think was: _But I knew, Haku. I knew that it was going to happen and I didn't do anything to stop it._

And I felt so overwhelmingly _guilty_ , because how _could_ I have done anything to stop it? I was a little girl, just five years old, and I wasn't superwoman.

What _could_ I do?

Haku was strong without me, but without him, _I_ was useless and weak.

I needed him.

He was my big brother, and I needed him.

I loved him.

I only blamed myself.


	9. Chapter 9: Nightmare

**Merry Christmas and Happy New Years. This was really late. But I hope you enjoy it anyway.**

 **. . .**

I was in the midst of a nightmare.

I saw Mama, a sword buried in her gut. And I saw Papa, a vengeful smile on his lips. Haku was in the corner, huddled against the wall with a pinched and miserable look on his face, and there were tears streaming down his face, sliding over his nose and dripping down his lips and chin.

Then I saw myself.

I was on the ground at Papa's feet, and I clutched my bloody hand to my chest, the look on my face accusing, mingled in with the tears and the blood.

And Papa screamed, raising his sword into the air, and it came down in a wide arc, ripping into flesh, sending blood flying-

I woke up screaming.

I flailed about, with something confining my movement, yet I never stopped screaming. Something pressed against my arm, and white-hot pain lanced through it, and I screamed and screamed and screamed.

And then, all I saw was a pair of wide brown eyes gazing into mine before my entire world faded to black.

 **. . .**

The next time I woke, I felt miserable with a pounding head and a stark dry throat.

I felt hot and cold, but whenever the covers were on me, I kicked them off. But when they flew off me, I felt cold again.

And so it was an endless cycle.

Just as I was starting to drift off again, I felt something peel back the covers, and I moaned at the loss of warmth, but someone chuckled softly before something so very warm and solid touched me. And I instantly welcomed the warmth, burrowing up against it with such a feverish fervour that all coldness around me practically disappeared.

I was content to just lie there, and so I did.

Hours passed, and still the warmth never disappeared.

I fell asleep after that.

 **. . .**

The next time I woke up, the warmth was gone, and I was curled on my side.

My head wasn't throbbing anymore, but my body felt slick with sweat. My throat was parched, and my hand and arm throbbed with pain.

I longed to sit up, but I didn't know if I had the strength to.

So, instead, I merely groaned at the pain, groaned at everything really.

There was a rustle of fabric right near my face, and a second later, I felt a cool hand brush away my hair and then press lightly on my forehead.

"Her fever's broken," a light, girlish voice announced.

"Is she going to be okay now?" a familiar voice asked, and I realised that it was my brother.

"She's definitely out of the danger zone now," the girl responded, "But I think that she can tell you that herself. Isn't that right, Kira?"

I only groaned in reply, trying to open my eyes. When I did, tears instantly sprung to my eyes, so I had to blink them away.

"Thirs… ty," I rasped, "Wa… er."

"What's she trying to say, Haku?"

I instantly turned my head, trying to find my brother. He was right there, at my left.

He didn't look very much worse for wear. He was wearing clean clothes, consisting of a grey kimono that was a size too big for him, and his hair was clean, too. There were dark smudges under his eyes, standing out drastically on his pale face.

"She's thirsty, Eirin-san," he answered, his eyes never straying from my face, "She was asking for water."

A moment later, I felt something cool pressed rather insistently against my lips, and something cold and deliciously wet dripped against my mouth, falling through the gap of my lips and inside my mouth.

I reached an aching arm up and held the cup to my lips, drinking without restraint. I drank until my thirst was sated and the cup was empty.

Then, I slumped back down, exhausted and panting.

"That's it, Kira-chan," the girl- Eirin- said, pulling the cup away, "Are you feeling alright?"

Numbly, I shook my head, though I winced at the dizzying rush that the motion lead to.

"Do you want to get up?" she asked kindly, leaning forward from where she was sitting, "Perhaps have a walk around?"

I shook my head again.

Eirin sighed, before nodding and rising to her feet. "Maybe we should just let her sleep, Haku."

"No," he disagreed, "I'm staying right here. Kira-chan likes it when I'm here, so I'm staying."

"I don't know," Eirin hesitated, "I actually think that she should get up. If only for a little while. She's been lying in here for days, it'd be good for her to get some exercise going."

"No." Haku was stubborn, I'd give him that. But I didn't want to make a fuss. Not after everything we'd been through already.

"I-I'll… go," I said weakly.

My brother shook his head, his hand coming to rest on my own. "You don't have to, Kira-chan. Just rest, you really need it."

His words resonated deeply, and I snapped, "I don't want to be a burden, Haku!"

His eyes widened, and he flinched back ever so slightly.

But before he could retort, Eirin cut in, "You're not a burden, Kira. You've been very ill, and you still are. It's our job to take care of you. That's what happens when someone gets sick around here."

I was silent for a moment, before saying, "Where _are_ we anyway?"

"We're a caravan of travelling merchants," Eirin answered vaguely, "And as to how you got here, well, you'll have to excuse me. Yori knows the full story, and even that brat Chiaki."

"I know," Haku interjected crossly, "So I can tell her." He coloured a little, "Sorry, Eirin-san," he mumbled, ducking his head, "for being so rude."

"Don't worry about it," she answered patiently, "I'm used to it by now. If I can deal with Chiaki on an everyday basis, then I can certainly deal with you."

I looked at her in surprise.

But she was already standing. "Do you want to go on that walk or not, Kira?"

I nodded.

"Come on, Kira-chan." My brother was already extending a hand to me. I took it and he pulled me up as he stood. Almost immediately, a wave of dizziness struck, and I stumbled a little. But Haku's hand in mine stopped me from falling over.

"Are you dizzy, Kira-chan?" he asked, and I nodded.

"Yes," I mumbled.

My arm and hand were throbbing like crazy, but I ignored it. I wanted to know where we were.

When I asked Eirin, she just shrugged. "We've stopped for the night," she explained, as if I knew, "And we won't be going for another few days at least. The adults want to sell their wares in the town."

And now that I noticed it, we were in a tent-like structure. But there was no feeling of motion like before, when I had briefly woken up.

As I took a step, my legs wobbled slightly. It must have been from lying down for so long. I looked down at my body, before blinking in bemusement.

Someone must have changed me- and I really didn't like the sound of that- when I was sleeping, for my normal, everyday kimono was not on me. Instead, I was wearing a cleaner one, and it wasn't as worn as my last one. My feet were also bare.

"What happened to my clothes?" I asked, tugging on the front of the newer kimono.

Eirin paused, before turning to look at me with a smile of amusement. "They were covered in blood," she answered, "So, we changed you and gave you a more suitable attire."

Well, that was kind of them. I don't think I want the reminder that both of my parents are dead on my clothes every day. I glanced down at my hands.

One was wrapped neatly up to the elbow, and individually around each of my fingers. It must have been the wound from Papa's sword. And my arm was wrapped even further than my elbow.

I knew where _that_ had come from.

It was from- I swallowed- when I had tried to _kill_ myself.

I shook my head to clear the images. I didn't want to think about it, because when I did, it felt like I had been stabbed, and it created an ache in my chest that hurt far worse than the wounds on my arms ever did. It hurt to breathe, to think, to _speak_.

It was like a numbing sensation when Haku spoke up, "Not your fault, Kira-chan," he murmured, squeezing my hand reassuringly, "Papa did it."

And when he said that, it felt as if a bucket of cold water had been thrown over me, such was the sheer _relief_ that I felt at his words.

I nestled as close to him as I could, so that there was no gap between us and I was pressed against his side. I leaned my head against his shoulder.

"Love you, big brother," I muttered, "Not _your_ fault either."

I squeezed his hand harder than he did mine, and I knew that he understood.

"Hurry up," Eirin called, but she wasn't frowning at us. Rather, she was smiling, and it was small but bright.

She pulled back the tent flap and stepped outside, and we followed us.

When we emerged from the tent, we immediately heard the whispers.

"Aren't those the kids that Chiaki and Yori brought back in?"

"They look so much alike, are they twins?"

"Let's hope to God that they aren't like those people with those, what are they called? _Kekkei Genkai?_ "

I froze at the last one, and I felt light-headed. What did that mean? What they trying to mean by that?

I looked back at Haku, and I could tell that he had a similar look on his face: confusion and- I swallowed- _fear_.

Sick, delirious fear.

These people. They weren't good. They were just like… like-

Haku's hand squeezed around mine.

-they were just like Papa.


	10. Chapter 10: Scarred

"C'mon, Kira-chan," Haku murmured gently, his hand squeezing mine reassuringly, "We should go back to the tent. Eirin-san said that Asahi wanted to meet you."

He tried pulling me in the direction of the tent, but I stayed where I was, my entire body frozen.

My mouth was dry, my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. My legs were immobile, refusing to move, as if they were melted into the very snow itself.

Somehow, I forced myself to speak, practically spitting the words from my lips as if they were a curse: "They know, Haku. They _know_."

I saw confusion spark in his eyes for a moment, before dissolving away to understanding. He understood what I was voicing, didn't even have to look into my _own_ eyes to know.

His hand left mine, and then he draped his entire arm over my shoulders, pulling me flush against his side. There was barely a height difference between us- he was only an inch taller than I was, but I attributed that to the fact that he was older than I was.

"No, Kira-chan," my brother murmured, his arm tightening protectively around me, "They don't."

While I knew that Haku spoke only the truth to me- he never lied to me, I knew that well- it still wasn't enough to placate me, and I was a bundle of nerves all the way back to the tent.

Haku helped me to get back into the futon, before lying right beside me. I shifted closer to him, my hand finding his, our fingers lacing together.

His other hand found its way to my hair, and I smiled at him sleepily as he brushed my bangs from my face.

I dozed off for a while, but I was woken up to something gently shaking my shoulder.

"Ugh," I mumbled, forcing my eyes to open and blinking away the bright light that shown straight into my vision, "Wha'?"

It was the girl from before- Eirin- and she smiled at me kindly.

"I'm sorry to wake you up, but Asahi wants to meet you," she said apologetically, "And since you were raging with fever not last night, she couldn't really see you then."

"'Kay," I murmured, resisting the urge to just close my eyes again and roll over and be dead to the world, "Jus' give a second."

I shakily pulled myself up, yawning widely as I did so. Then, I pierced Eirin with an unfathomable glance. "Okay then," I said, "Lead the way."

Haku was gone, I dimly noticed, but that didn't bother me as much as it should.

I followed Eirin out of the tent, and we made our way to a much larger one, and I deftly ignored the stares that came my way.

Eirin pulled the flap of the tent back before waving me inside. I ducked my head, though it shouldn't have mattered considering how short I was.

Haku was already in there, a neutral expression on his face, but when he saw me, his face lit up and a smile replaced the frown.

"Kira-chan," he said, pointing to the spot beside him, "Sit here."

And I did. But I completely disregarded the cushion and curled up against him, my side flush against his. But he didn't mind. He simply flashed me a smile as I clung to his arm, my grip no doubt bruising.

The clearing of a throat had me looking up, and I almost recoiled at the sight of a woman gazing at us intently.

She was very pretty, and very young, about twenty or so, with long dark hair and equally dark eyes.

It must be Asahi, the lady who wanted to meet me.

"You must be Kira," she said, her voice smooth as silk.

"Y-Yes," I stammered, pressing myself further into Haku's side.

"I already met your brother, Kira-chan," she hummed, "He was lovely. Shy, but lovely."

I nodded in confusion. If she already met Haku, then what did she want with me?

"I must say," she murmured, "When Yori-kun had informed me he had found two children in dire need for shelter, I hadn't expected you to be so grievously injured. Tell me, Kira-chan, just how did you receive those injuries?"

I swallowed hard. She won't believe me, _she will not believe me-_

"Papa," Haku said so softly that he could barely be heard, "It was our Papa."

Asahi looked curious. "Is that so?" she responded. "And, Haku-chan, why would your own _father_ try to kill you? Did he abuse you constantly?"

 _No, but he wanted to kill us all the same. He_ _ **would**_ _have killed us. It didn't matter whether we were his family or not, when he found out he still would have killed us._

"No," I snapped, "He didn't hurt us-"

"The wounds that you have acquired speak otherwise, Kira-chan," Asahi said dryly.

I only glowered up at her. What business was it of hers to pry into my private life? So, Papa tried to kill me? That part was over and done. I would forget about him, forget his face and name until it only remained a black stain in my heart.

Papa didn't deserve my love.

But Asahi merely raised an eyebrow, and I hated her in that moment, wanted to wrap my fingers around her throat and _squeeze-_

"He thought we were abominations!" I snapped acidly, "Happy to finally know, Asahi- _san_?"

To my surprise, Asahi simply laughed. It was a pleasant, tinkling laugh that grated on me, and I simply wanted it to stop.

"You look like a perfectly normal little girl to me, Kira-chan," she said gently, and the gentleness of her voice irritated me further.

I wasn't a child to be coddled, not after what I'd failed to prevent. I wasn't even a child in the first place!

Yes, I may be five physically, but that was it. I had the mind of a young woman, and _not_ a little girl.

Asahi seemed to be waiting for a response, but when I only continued to glare up at her acidly, she sighed.

"Very well," she murmured. She then smiled. "You may stay with us as long as you wish. You have nowhere else to go anyway, and we could use the extra hands."

"Fine," I said venomously.

Well, it wasn't as if we had anywhere else to go, right? Ninja villages were out of the question, and, the only village to go to would be Kirigakure anyway, since we were in the Land of Water.

I didn't want to become a ninja, plain and simple.

I wasn't going to go out of my way to change things, and what right did I have? They were all going to get a happy ending anyway, so why interfere?

The only thing I would change would be Haku's death. He's not going to die, and that was all there was to it.

 **. . .**

The next few weeks passed in a blur, and my arms were soon healed enough to remove the bandages.

I stared down at my arms as Eirin removed the bandages that were tinged brown from lying on them all night,

Thankfully, the wounds had stopped opening weeks ago.

"There you go, Kira-chan," Eirin said when she had finished, "You're as good as new."

I looked down at my arms, experimentally moving them. They were a bit stiff, but nothing that constant exercising would change.

My right arm, the one where I had tried to do… _I wasn't going to think about it_. It was thick with scar tissue, and the scars were huge and terrible, thick and ropey and bright red from being newly healed.

I hated them.

My hand, the one that Papa had stabbed, had a thick white scar on the palm, and I found that it was difficult to move it at all.

I could barely move the fingers, and my entire hand was numb, stiff, and dull.

The nerves were shot.

I realised, very bitterly, that I would never be able to use it again properly. I would be a pretty crappy ninja if I would become one- not that I would, of course- for the simple fact that I wouldn't be able to do those hand signs or even wield a weapon.

Well, at least it was only my left hand. I was right-handed in this life- thank God- wherein in my last I was left-handed.

Let's just say that it came to a severe shock when I first tried to draw something into the snow.

"How are they, Kira-chan?" Haku asked, peering down at them. "They look very-"

"I can't move my hand," I said blankly.

I held up my left arm and let Haku see my hand. He prodded it experimentally, and all I did was shrug.

"I can't feel anything, Haku," I said in response to his inquiring gaze, "It just feels numb."

"Oh," he said, as if that one word explained everything. But I knew that he was just confused, and maybe even bothered what Papa had done to me, done to _us_.

I perked up when I heard voices at the tent, and I noticed that Eirin was gone.

"You can't come in here," Eirin was saying.

"Why not?" a familiar voice whined, "I'm her friend, too. Even Chiaki here agrees with me."

"Idiot," Chiaki scolded, "You're too old to be her friend."

"I'm only fourteen," Yori protested, "And you're supposed to _agree_ with me, Chiaki. How _else_ are we going to get in there and see them?"

"We could wait for them outside," Chiaki suggested.

"Let them in, Eirin-san," I said.

I saw Eirin turn to me, saw her eyes flick worriedly to my exposed arms, but all I did was cover them with the blanket of the futon.

"There," I said, "Problem solved. Now, let them in."

"Alright," the girl sighed, "But only for a few minutes. Do you understand, Yori-kun? She's only five, and she doesn't need-"

"-someone like me to ruin her childhood. Blah, blah, _blah_. Now, can we come in?"

He didn't even wait for an answer before he barged inside.

He visibly lit up when he saw me and Haku.

"Hey, Haku," he said, grinning hugely, "And Kira. How've you both been?"

"Fine," Haku said.

Chiaki walked in behind him, still looking as he had the last time I'd seen him, which was weeks ago really.

His face looked bored, but his dark eyes were glittering with something as they landed on me. "Glad to know that you haven't died yet."

Yori instantly turned to the younger boy. "Chiaki!" he scolded, "Stop being so blunt!"

"It's okay," I found myself saying, and he turned surprised eyes onto me, "I don't mind."

"Just because Chiaki's a brat shouldn't make it okay," Yori said sulkily.

"No, really," I interjected, "It's fine. I'm used to Haku, so I'll get used to Chiaki in time, right?"

"You know, Kira," Yori said, resuming his previous grin, "You're very cute when you're not all covered in blood.

And then he yelped, because Chiaki had smacked him.

"Idiot! And you call _me_ blunt?"

"You didn't have to _hit_ me, Chiaki!"

Eirin rolled her eyes from her spot behind them. "Don't worry," she said, looking amused, "They always do this."

It seemed that they did.

 **. . .**

The days blended into weeks, and then months, and before I knew it, an entire year had passed, and I was now six.

It was surprisingly easy to go into everyone else's routine. All we did was stop, sleep, eat, and sell wares at every village we passed by.

I always stayed with Haku, and even went with him to the villages whenever Yori and Chiaki roped him into going.

My brother was eight years old now, but he didn't seem to grow at all.

Maybe it was because I spent every waking hour with him?

He looked the same to me, anyway.

Sometimes, I could forget what had led us to this caravan, but whenever I looked at my arms, I'd be reminded, and so I'd taken to wearing long sleeves wherever I went, instead of some of the more casual clothes I'd seen a few of the other children wear.

They weren't very many children here, only two others besides me, Chiaki, and Haku.

Chiaki didn't act like a kid, even though he was nine. He acted more like a teenager, and was very mature.

He was still a brat, though.

Our life was better than ever. Nobody knew about Haku's Kekkei Genkai, and the only people that knew about our family situation (the fact that Haku had killed Papa and all of those villagers to keep us safe) was Yori, Chiaki, Eirin, and Asahi.

They were the only ones, and _would_ be the only ones.

I didn't want our life to go down into another downward spiral. I didn't want it to be _ruined_.

Hopefully, our makeshift peace would last.


	11. Chapter 11: Beleaguer

**So, not really an excuse for how long this took, but I hope you enjoy it and review to tell me your thoughts!**

 **Also, something I've never done before, since this chapter might seem…** _ **intense**_ **at times.**

 **Warning: Blood, gore, death, tread carefully…?**

 **. . .**

I stared at the ceiling of the tent, idly rubbing the scars on my arms, tracing them together as if they were puzzle pieces; they could be brought together, I knew that. After all, they'd been created from a singular event that was the catalyst for our current way of living.

I didn't want to think about it.

 _Because Papa betrayed us,_ _ **that's**_ _why!_

I blinked when the flap of the tent pulled up, and then I noticed that my bare arms were on display for the entire world to see, and I didn't want _anyone_ knowing what had happened to me; what I'd done to _myself_.

It was Haku who entered the tent, and his eyebrow quirked slightly upwards when he witnessed my struggles to hide my scarred arms from view.

He frowned then, as he always did when he saw me in one of my most vulnerable moments. Then, as always, he attempted a reassuring smile that, on other people, would have failed dismally, but on the face of my brother, did wonders.

"It's okay," he said, _as always_ , "It's fine."

I didn't smile back; I never did. Nowadays, I found it harder and harder to smile. The adults thought it was strange, to see this new, solemn me, but they didn't know. They didn't _understand_. They hadn't known me _before_.

Haku did.

And he understood.

I could still remember the look on Papa's face when he came for me; eyes crazy and face shining with tears.

I still see it.

And I won't ever forget it.

But right now, Haku was staring at me with his head cocked to the side, his long, dark hair shrouding half his face from view.

"What?" I demanded, and though my tone was harsh, he didn't flinch.

"We should play a game, Kira-chan," he declared, clapping his hands together, "Aruto-kun and Arisu-chan are bored, and so am I!"

I just stared at him, wondering when he had ever been so childish. But he was _eight_ , so I guess it was to be expected.

I remember, when I was three or four, Haku was _always_ outside. He loved the outdoors, and he loved playing games. He also loved snow and pretty things.

Snow was too cold and _icky_ for _me_ , and I hated the feel of it on my bare hands. I hated the sliminess that slush would bring, and the inevitable chill than would eat my hands all the way from my wrists until the tips of my fingers.

I never did see why Haku thought snow was so pretty.

All _snow_ ever did was bring back memories of _that day_ \- the one day that I couldn't remember and hopefully never would.

And now, all snow would ever be was _blood_.

It was snowing on the day our parents died, and it has continued to snow since.

But now, Haku, knowing of my hatred of snow, just gazed down at me hopefully, his eyes containing a sheen of happiness that I hadn't seen since _he_ ruined everything.

And I knew my answer before I even said it.

Nodding, I said, "Okay."

Haku beamed. He strode over to me and pulled me up and into my arms, enveloping me into a loose hug.

We emerged from the tent with our hands intertwined, fingers curled together tightly.

Haku was my barrier against the wary looks that numerous adults sent to the pair of us, and when it became too much for me, I would turn and bury my face into his shoulder.

Despite being here with this caravan for a year, we were still regarded as outsiders. Not many people, bar the ones we were acquainted with, tried to converse with us.

I didn't mind though. It was exactly what I wanted.

I didn't want anyone hurting my brother.

I saw two familiar figures waiting by the largest tent, and Haku smiled widely upon seeing them.

"Aruto-kun, Arisu-chan!" he chirped, hurrying our pace so that we could reach them.

The pair turned and regarded with identical brown eyes. They were twins, though not identical, as Arisu was a girl.

They were my age, six, and rather tall and skinny, with matching brown eyes and shocks of bright red hair.

Aruto was loud and vivacious, while Arisu, his twin sister, was his exact opposite; she was quiet and rather shy.

It made me wonder if they had an Uzumaki in their ancestry, due to their hair. It wouldn't be very far-fetched to assume that, because, as far as I knew, after Uzushiogakure was destroyed, the remnants of the Uzumaki clan scattered far and wide over the elemental nations.

"Haku!" Aruto exclaimed happily, smiling cheerfully, "You came!"

I just stared at the boy, who suddenly turned his eyes to me. He flinched a little at my scrutiny, but his smile returned full force and he reached out to grab hold of Haku's arm, "C'mon, we gotta do this in _teams_. Arisu can go with Kira, and you can go with me!"

Arisu smiled nervously when I set my eyes on her, "H-Hello," she murmured, holding a single hand out, "N-Nice to meet you."

I stared at her for a moment, then moved my gaze to my right hand, which was still interlaced with Haku's.

It possessed a death grip and, frankly, I was surprised that Haku hadn't complained from the strain. But, then again, he never really _did_ complain about that sort of stuff, even _before_ , when all we'd ever eat was rice, day in and day out.

For the past year, I'd all of my time keeping close to Haku, always holding his hand or hugging him close.

It was childish, but it had helped to keep the nightmares at bay somewhat. After all, he was the only thing I had left in this world, and that made me come to a realisation.

He as mine.

And he was mine to _protect_.

But I couldn't protect him if I kept cowering in the shadows, if I kept shying away from any attempts at getting better.

I had to get stronger.

And the first step was accepting Arisu's hand.

I pulled my hand from Haku's grip and slowly reached out, placing my hand in Arisu's.

I smiled slowly, and, after a few moments of shock, Arisu tentatively smiled back.

"Nice to meet you, Arisu-chan," I answered.

"Cool!" Aruto shouted, the volume of his voice making me wince, "Now, let's play!"

What were we playing, exactly?

Something wet and cold, cold, _**cold**_ collided with my face, and I froze. A soft giggle filled the air, and through the white in my vision, I could make out Haku laughing from his place next to me.

"Snowball fight!" Aruto crowed, another already fully formed in his hand.

"C'mon, Kira-chan!" Haku said, "It's just some snow, and snow _is_ fun!"

He had such a smug, self-assured expression on his face that it made me bend down, scoop up a handful of snow, form it into a ball, and then throw it at him.

The snowball struck his face dead centre, and a moment later, his hand came up to quickly wipe the rapidly melting snow from his face.

The shocked look made me burst into laughter.

Haku continued to stare at me in shock, but at the sound of my laughter, his lips quirked into a true smile.

Aruto joined in on my laughter, and it occurred to me that I was laughing for the first time in one year.

Our rowdiness seemed to have attracted spectators, for there were two familiar dark-haired boys watching on silently.

I slowly turned my head and, seeing Chiaki staring right back at me with a deadpan expression on his face, I grinned, before bending down and scooping up a handful of snow and moulding it into a ball.

I threw the snowball right at his face, but Chiaki simply cocked his head to the side and the projectile missed him completely.

I scowled at him, crossing my arms over my chest, but he simply smirked.

"Oi, Chiaki!" Yori exclaimed, "Quit being so rude."

"Idiot," the boy huffed in return, "How am _I_ being rude?"

I completely phased out of their customary arguments, and, when their voices finally quieted down, said, "Yes?"

Chiaki raised an eyebrow, then elbowed Yori in the gut.

"Ow, what was that for?!" the boy demanded, receiving only an eye roll in return, "Fine! I'll tell them! Kids, we're going on a little field trip today, so dress warmer than what you're wearing. And, Kira-chan, put some _clothes_ on, would you?"

I stared down at my current state, not really comprehending _why_ I had to change. I was wearing the same kimono that I wore every day, as well as the same pair of shoes. There was nothing wrong with my clothes.

"There's nothing wrong with my clothes," I snapped, tugging on the obi around my waist for emphasis, "So I see no reason why I have to change."

"You've probably been sleeping in them," Yori protested.

"She looks fine to me, Yori-kun," Haku commented, coming to stand beside me, "Though, she _could_ brush her hair."

I self-consciously ran a hand over my head, my lips pursing at the complete lack of snarls in my hair, "My hair's fine, _too_ ," I huffed, "Maybe _you_ should _cut_ your hair, Haku, else you'll end up looking like a pretty princess by the time you're fifteen."

" _You're_ a pretty princess already, Kira-chan," Yori said slyly, "Especially when you look _exactly_ like our dear Haku here."

I just stared at him; it was true that Haku and I looked a lot alike, but I didn't think it really mattered. At least no one mistakes us as twins, as I was tiny for a six year old.

Haku was barely taller than me, though, and he was supposed to be _eight_.

But I wasn't a princess; far from it, actually.

"Where are we going anyway?" I questioned, "It has to be somewhere with _people_ , since you're bugging me about my hair more than usual." At that, I aimed a glare at Haku, who returned it with an innocent look of his own.

"A village on the outskirts of Kirigakure," Chiaki answered promptly, "Haven't you noticed the extra fog?"

"Of course she hasn't, Chiaki!" Yori exclaimed, "None of the kids have! They've been confined to the tents all day, and before that, they were in the wagons!"

"No need to be so loud, Yori," Chiaki sighed, "There _are_ other people around, you know."

Yori merely huffed, though thankfully didn't say anything in reply.

"Is everyone coming, Chiaki?" I piped up.

"The usual, along with Asahi, you, and the rest of the kids," Chiaki replied.

So, Aruto and Arisu were coming, as well as _Asahi_.

I barely tolerated the woman, since she was prone to asking so many invasive questions. I valued my privacy very much, and I kept my deepest, darkest secrets to myself.

I would take the fact that I was reincarnated straight to grave.

No one would know.

Not even Haku.

"What about Ren-san?" Haku asked politely.

"Ren?" Yori questioned, looking vaguely grossed out, "He needs to stay _away_ from the kids. Besides, he's been acting really weird lately. Kinda secretive, if you ask me."

Ren, who was the leader of the caravan, was a strange man. He was tall, weedy, and thin, with scraggly black hair and dark eyes.

He held a strange glint in his eyes whenever I came upon him, though he was nothing polite the first time I met him.

Apparently, he was Yori's uncle.

So, whenever Ren was away at a village serving his wares, Yori was left in charge, as Asahi usually went with him.

Personally, I thought the man was creepy.

He was, by far, the _oldest_ man I had encountered in this, bar Papa.

I didn't like the thought of him being around vulnerable children, such as Aruto and Arisu, if the rumours of him were true.

But, I didn't want to think of the supposed rumours. Anymore thought than necessary severely grossed me out.

"Are we really going to go into the village, Nii-chan?!" Aruto asked excitedly, clapping his hands in delight.

"Sure we are, Aruto," Yori answered easily, and, when he continued, he raised a single finger, wagging it in the air, "But you need to stay close to me, got it?"

"Sure thing!" Aruto agreed, smiling hugely. He then turned to his sister, "Hear that, Arisu?! We finally get to _leave_ this place! I reckon it'll be an adventure! Right, Arisu?!"

Arisu just looked at her feet, mumbling a reply as a heavy flush overcome her face.

She was a cute little girl, though obviously just a little kid.

 _Like me_.

But, the difference between me and her, was that I had a lifetime's worth of memories stored in my head.

 _She didn't._

"Alright then," Yori exclaimed cheerfully, "We'd best be off. Ren's gonna meet us on the other side."

All of us nodded, but, just as we were about to follow them, Yori said, "Wait! I want all of you to hold me and Chiaki's hands. That should keep you in our sights at all times."

Wordlessly, Chiaki held his hand out to me, and, when I just stared at it, _because it was really strange to hold someone's hand other than Haku's_ , he huffed and muttered, "Just take it. I'll keep you safe."

His words struck a chord in me.

 _Why is he saying things like that?_

"Okay," I replied, my voice strangely high-pitched.

I placed my hand in his.

His other hand secured Haku, and, as I tightened my hand around his, I mused that the three of us could be mistaken for siblings, due to our similar features; our jet-black hair and big brown eyes.

He was only an inch taller than me at nine years of age.

I had only known him for a year, and I knew that he wasn't as cold as he seemed. He cared for the people around him, including Yori, who was his best friend.

I trusted him.

"Okay!" I chirped again, my voice high and chipper, "Let's go then, Chiaki-nii-chan!"

His entire frame stiffened, and I all but dragged him after me.

Yori, who had Aruto and Arisu attached to both his hands, followed after us.

The six of us strode through the camp until we reached the entrance, where an older man, including Asahi and a few familiar faces were waiting.

Ren crossed his arms upon seeing us, "About time," he grumbled, his eyes coming to rest on us, "I can't believe you really insisted on bringing the brats with us."

"Uncle," Yori greeted shortly, pushing past him with said 'brats' in tow, Chiaki pulling us after him, "And they're not brats. They're _kids_ , so you, of all people, should _know_."

"Hmph," Ren grunted, though, when his eyes passed over me, I resisted the urge to shiver; a leer glinted in his small, squinty eyes.

"Yori-kun," Asahi greeted in her melodious voice, "Chiaki-kun. How are you?"

Now _this_ was the woman I disliked; she pried too much, and looked into things that were none of her concern.

So, I decided to answer for Chiaki after Yori spouted his greetings.

"Nii-chan's fine!" I said loudly.

Her eyes came to rest me, and I tensed, "Hello there, Kira-chan. How have you been coping?"

My shoulders rose higher, "Fine!" I answered defensively. A little _too_ defensively, for her eyebrows rose to her hairline, "Just fine, Asahi-san."

Asahi hummed, and nodded once, accepting my reply. She then turned to Ren, "Ren-sama, I'm ready if you are," she told the man, her eyes taking on an eager glint.

"Fine," Yori's uncle answered curtly.

We started walking, though it seemed to be at a snail-like pace.

After what seemed like hours, but was, in reality, probably only ten minutes, Aruto suddenly shouted, "Nii-chan, let me ride on your back!"

I felt Chiaki start at the name, and I smiled without restraint, tightening my hold on his hand and squeezing his fingers with all my might.

Chiaki bent down slightly, so that his face was near my ear, "What's with the sudden change?" he asked, his tone careless.

My smile widened, "You're cool, Nii-chan," I answered happily, "Much cooler than Yori, for that matter."

I heard Yori choke from his position, but I could have cared less, as, just for a brief moment, I saw Chiaki's lips quirk up.

He smiled!

He _actually_ smiled.

I stored that moment away in my memories, because I would never forget it.

Another ten minutes passed in silence, and soon, we had reached the village.

"Woah!" Aruto exclaimed from his place on Yori's shoulders, "So cool!"

I was unimpressed, mostly because I had already accompanied the others on an excursion to one of the little villages that littered the Land of Water.

"What do you think, Arisu?" Aruto asked his sister, "'Cause _I_ think it's really cool."

"A-Ah," she mumbled, her face flushing pink, "I-It's the first time… I've been to one."

"There's a lot of people," Haku added quietly, though he knew what to expect, considering he had gone on the last excursion with me and the other adults.

"There's always a lot of people," Yori said, "People are what makes up a village."

Chiaki shot him a very dry look, "Idiot," he sighed, though it was very fondly, "Of course people make up a village."

"Hey," Yori pouted, "I'm trying to _teach_ the kids something here. It's the first time the twins have come with us."

"Then, by all means," Chiaki interjected, "Talk to them like they're babies. Don't talk to _my_ kids like they're babies, though."

 _His_ kids?

"Nii-chan's right," I interrupted, "You don't need to tell that stuff to _us_. We already know what it means, since we came with you guys last time."

Yori just rolled his eyes, muttering something under his breath, before he abruptly let Aruto down from his shoulders.

"Huh?" The boy looked up at Yori in confusion, "What're you doing, Nii-chan?"

"Oh, my shoulders were starting to hurt," Yori explained carelessly, before a small smile creased his lips, "You weigh a ton, Aru-chan!"

"Hey!" Aruto protested, "Do not!"

"Sure you do," Yori said, that dopey smile of his still in place.

"Who cares?" Chiaki interjected.

Aruto pouted, but didn't say anything more in his defense. Then a moment later, he piped up, "What're we gonna look at first, Nii-chan?"

"Everything, hopefully," Yori answered vaguely.

I looked up at Chiaki, "What are looking at first, Nii-chan?" I asked.

"I don't know," he scrunched his face up, "Go and play with those other kids, but stay close to me."

I frowned, "I don't want to," I answered promptly, "Since I already have."

Chiaki sighed heavily, but didn't argue (it as if he didn't have the energy or patience for it).

"Okay," he murmured, "Just stay close to me, okay?"

I met Haku's gaze when I peered past Chiaki's body, and he sent me a small smile.

"Can we look at the sweets, Nii-chan?" I gave Chiaki my best pleading face.

Chiaki just stared at me, "Sure," he answered dryly, "That _is_ what little kids seem to like."

Chiaki seemed to know _exactly_ where to go, and, being attached to his hands, Haku and I followed after him like puppies.

There were words on the front of the stall, but, being me, I couldn't read them.

I never learnt to read or write.

Haku and I came from an extremely poor family, who farmed for a living, and I knew that Mama didn't know how to read.

I don't know about Papa.

So, I tapped Chiaki on the shoulder and politely asked him what it said.

He scowled, but dutifully repeated what he saw on the sign, "Pocky and dango."

Pocky and dango, huh? Well, in this life, all I've ever consumed is rice and my mother's breast milk.

"Nii-chan, you should buy me some," I chirped.

Chiaki gave me a _look_ , "Does it look like I'm made of money?"

"Chiaki, just buy her something," Yori said from behind us, "It's not as if a stick of dango costs that much."

The younger boy grumbled under his breath, before fishing out a few coins from the pocket of his pants, "Here," he mumbled, holding his hand out.

"Thanks!" I took the coins from his hand and then faced the vendor, plastering on the biggest smile that my lips could muster, "Could I please have a stick of dango?"

The vendor, a wizened old prune of a lady, smiled down at me dotingly, as if I reminded her of her own grandchildren back at home.

"Of course."

I handed the coins to the vendor, and she handed me back some change, which I gave back to Chiaki, then a single stick of dango.

I stared down at the food, then slowly took a tiny bite, my mouth instantly flooding with sweetness.

"How does it taste, Kira-chan?" Haku asked curiously, his eyes keenly taking in the food in my hands.

I knew he hadn't ever tasted something like this before, so I held the dango out and implored him to take a bite, "Taste it; I bet it's nothing you've tried before."

Still staring curiously at the dango, Haku did as I requested, bending down slightly and taking a bite out of it.

Instantly, he grimaced, "It's too sweet," he answered.

I pulled it back to me protectively, before taking a huge bite out of it, "Well, _I_ think it's great," I retorted, my mouth full of food.

Suddenly, Yori laughed, "You guys are too cute," he chuckled, placing a hand over his stomach, "Even cuter than Aru-chan and Ari-chan."

I huffed at being called cute, but Haku didn't seem to mind. Strangely, I thought he would have been offended, as Yori insulted his masculinity. Then again, he _was_ only seven years old.

There was a faint smile on my brother's face, and he only nodded.

I loved Haku's smile; he rarely smiled anymore after what Papa did, and neither did I.

But he had reason now to smile.

We had what seemed to be a new family, and we weren't in the streets starving and begging for food like what would have happened had Yori and Chiaki not found us.

 _We were safe_.

And that was when I realised that I no longer had to look over my shoulder, wondering and waiting for when Papa would inevitably snap.

"Nii-chan," Aruto suddenly said, gaining all of our attention, "Why can't I have some dango?" He pointed a finger at me, to which I quickly wolfed the dango down before someone could snatch it off of me.

"Sorry, Aru-chan," Yori said sheepishly, "I'll have to go ask Ren for some money, since Chiaki had the last on him. But, that reminds me. Chiaki, how much do you have left?"

"Not enough for dango," Chiaki answered dismissively.

Aruto pouted, and in his anger, his face grew as red as his hair, "I. Want. _Dango_ ," he shouted, stamping his foot on the ground.

Passer-by's shot us shocked looks as they walked past, but they were ignored in the wake of Aruto's tantrum.

Yori sighed in exasperation, "You'll just have to wait a minute," he said, "I'll try and find Ren, but I have no idea where he is."

"He doesn't need any more food," Chiaki said flatly, "He's fatter than all of us combined."

Suddenly, Arisu piped up, "I-I think… I see him."

"Yeah!" Aruto cheered, "Hear that, Nii-chan? You can ask him for money, and since he's the leader, he's bound to have _loads!_ "

Yori just rolled his eyes, but nodded all the same, "Sure," he said, "Just wait here a minute, right?"

"Mhm," Aruto hummed, nodding excitedly.

I watched Yori merge with the crowd, heading for where Ren had suddenly stopped in the middle of the pathway, where he was conversing with a tall, slim man that looked as if he belonged in a horror movie.

Pale skin; _sickly_ pale skin, I corrected myself, slanted eyes that gleamed yellow like a cat's, and a dark strap around his forehead that flickered silver in the dull afternoon sunlight.

I froze.

The man handed something that vaguely resembled a _bag_ to Ren, who then bid him a farewell, turning to face the approaching Yori with a self-satisfied curl to his lips.

"Uncle," Yori greeted stiffly, "I request some money."

"For the brats?" Ren questioned, his eyes closing in a dismissive gesture, "Don't worry about them. I'm sure they'll be _very_ well fed in the future."

I tensed even further, then cautiously eyed the red-haired twins beside me; Aruto was staring after Yori with an impatient expression on his face, whilst his sister was gazing at the ground, absentmindedly toeing the near-melted snow at her feet.

"Why not?" Yori asked, his face twisting in annoyance, "You have _heaps_ of money."

"Not enough to waste on a brat's sweet tooth," Ren answered, that self-satisfied grin of his widening, "Besides, you won't have to waste your time on them anymore. They'll be gone by tomorrow anyway."

I tensed at the man's words, then remembered the weight of his leering gaze on me, before chancing another look at the twins.

They were as oblivious as ever.

Aruto was muttering under his breath, while Arisu was smiling shyly at Haku.

Haku had not moved, and was still standing right at my side.

Quickly, I laced my hand through his, though unfortunately, it was my left one; it ached to squeeze his hand, but I could barely move it through all of the stiffness.

I normally went through a series of hand strengthening exercises, but I'd forgotten to do them from all the excitement of the day.

Now I was regretting it.

But I didn't want to stare at the huge blot of discoloured skin in the centre of my hand, so holding my brother's hand was the perfect distraction.

It also made me miss Ren's next words, though they must have been frustrating, because Yori was gritting his teeth.

"You won't lay a finger on them, you… you _pervert_ ," Yori said thickly, seeming to be on the edge of tears, "I'll take them with me and leave. We don't need you anyway."

"Oh? And where will you go?" Ren countered calmly, "You'll starve to death on the streets, which you _would_ have done had I not taken you in after your whore mother's death."

"Don't speak of her like that," Yori warned quietly.

"Or what?" Ren chuckled, "You'll _hit_ me? _Kill_ me? They're empty threats, and there's _nothing_ you can do to back them up."

"You're a monster," Yori spat, his voice soft and deadly, "And I won't let you _anywhere_ near them. I'll protect them with my life, you hear me?"

"You can try," Ren retorted, "But you're at a disadvantage. Your life will be forfeit if you try to go up against their buyers."

 _Buyers?_ I felt sick, and bile threatened to make its way up my throat.

So the Naruto world had _slavery_ now? I thought the purges were bad enough, but _slavery?_

This was the Land of Water. Of _course_ it had to have things like this. But, then again, maybe the other countries had something similar.

But, seriously, he _sold_ us?

I wanted to throw up.

Yori suddenly glanced back at his, his dark gaze lingering on the red-haired twins for a second longer than the rest of us, and that was when I understood.

Ren wasn't talking about _all_ of us, he was talking about the _twins_.

I wanted to throw up even more.

They were only _six_ , and the relief I felt at the fact that Haku and I were not included, made my stomach sink guiltily.

Abruptly, something soft and warm made contact with my good hand, and I looked down, only to see Arisu smiling shyly again.

"Kira-chan," she greeted tremulously, her eyes huge and wide against her pale face.

"A-Arisu-chan," I stammered back, and I realised that my hand under hers was cold and clammy.

"Huh?" Her forehead creased into a frown, before she shyly said, "A-Are you alright? You look… really pale."

I was startled out of my daze at her words, and I attempted a reassuring smile, "I-I'm fine, Arisu-chan," at her disbelieving look, I added, "Really."

She seemed to relax a little, but tightened her grip on my hand.

I glanced at the others, "Nii-chan?" I asked quietly, seeing _both_ Chiaki and Haku start, "And Haku-nii," I quickly amended, "Are you guys okay?"

"Fine," Chiaki answered flatly without even looking at me.

Haku seemed to be pouting a bit; probably at my decision to call Chiaki 'Nii-chan', and he said, "Why won't you ever call _me_ Nii-chan?" he demanded.

"'Cause you're Haku-nii," I answered just as flatly as Chiaki had.

Confusion flooded his eyes, "What does _that_ mean?" he asked.

"It means I need both of you," I said, shrugging a little.

Haku had seemed to struggle with his identity and if he was useful in the manga, but this time, he _was_ needed.

As my big brother.

He would never feel useless again.

And that was when Arisu was ripped from my grasp.

"Shit!" someone swore, and somehow, I was aware that it was Yori, and he was running towards us with his arms held out, as if he wanted to engulf us in his arms.

"Chiaki, keep them close!" he ordered, before running off in a seemingly random direction.

Chiaki only nodded, but I was overcome by guilt, _because she was taken right from my arms_ , and I backed up to follow him, even before Chiaki said, "Wait!"

But I ignored him, and ran after Yori, nearly stumbling as the ends of my kimono caught up in my legs.

"Give her back!" Yori screamed mindlessly into the crowd, which parted for him like some sort of divine intervention.

I had to get her back somehow, _because she was holding my hand, she was counting on me_ , and it was my fault that I hadn't held on tighter.

I followed Yori into an alleyway, and he ran so fast that I could barely keep up, and so when he stopped, I collided straight with his back, making _him_ stumble.

He turned around in shock, his eyes widening at the sight of me, before they narrowed, and his jaw clenched tightly, as if he were gritting his teeth, "Damnit, Kira!" he exploded, his hand coming up to shove me back, "The hell are you doing?!"

"I want to help!" I burst out, meeting his glare with my own, "It's my fault that she was taken, 'cause I wasn't holding on tight enough!"

He opened his mouth, as if he wanted to say something, before nodding shortly, "Stay behind me," he ordered.

I just stared at him, my mouth slowly agape, before I turned to face the end of the alley.

And there he was.

The same man from before; the creepy horror movie guy. He was like a cross between a snake and a cat, with his pale skin and gleaming eyes.

On his forehead was a _hitai-ate_ , which bore four squiggly marks, one on the top of the other, to signify his allegiance to Kirigakure.

And in his arms was a pale-faced Arisu.

Gone was the heavy blush that used to dust her face; instead, it was sickly and pale, and her eyes were wide and pleading. She shuddered when the man softly stroked her long red hair.

"Give her to me right now," Yori said in a soft, deadly voice.

"Or what?" the shinobi snorted, "There isn't anything you _can_ do. She's mine now, the both of them. I paid for them fair and square, so I can do whatever I want with her."

"She doesn't _belong_ to you," Yori spat, taking a step forward, "She's a living, breathing _person_ , with thoughts and feelings."

Suddenly, a huge grin appeared on the man's face, "And what's this we've got right here?" he asked, his grin revealing razor-sharp teeth, "Small, slight, and dark-haired; just how I like them. Sure, she's not as exotic as this one, but she's still a little beauty."

A wave of disgust overcame me, and I nearly _did_ throw up.

I didn't want to acknowledge what this man really was, and in my mind, I put it into the furthest, darkest recesses that I could.

"You _bastard!_ " Yori near-shrieked, before lunging at the man.

The shinobi shoved Arisu to the ground near the wall, and slowly turned his head to face Yori, "I wouldn't do that if I were you," he stated lowly, as if repeating a warning he'd had to say countless times in the past.

I locked eyes with Arisu, and the little girl, was shivering against the wall, a pinched expression on her face.

' _Run_ ' I mouthed, making a gesture with my hand as soon as the man was occupied.

Her eyes widened, and a little gasp left her mouth, before she shook her head wildly, her tangled red hair falling around her face in snarls.

The ninja man pulled something sharp and silvery from the pouch at his waist, "What's your name?" he asked conversationally, "Mine's Aguri."

"What do you care?!" Yori spat with seething hatred.

"Oh, you know," Aguri shrugged, idly twirling the knife- _kunai_ \- on the tip of his finger, "Apparently to _familiarise_ myself with whatever I'm about to kill. Helps you cope, apparently."

 _Apparently_. This man seemed to like this word a lot.

"What makes you think you'll get close?!" Yori demanded, his jaw clenching tighter.

The man seemed to think his cringe-worthy threats were funny, because he dropped his head back and _laughed_.

I froze at the sound, and why was he laughing anyway? After making idle threats to _kill?_

"Yori," the boy gritted out, "My name's _Yori_."

"So where did all the trust go?" Aguri asked conversationally, mocking the very name he had just been given, "Well, if you must know, although I'm only on the bottom, I still had enough to buy them. So, from a man to a boy, you should understand that I paid for them fair and square. They're mine now."

 _Genin_. This man was a _genin_.

And he could probably kill us with his bare hands if he wanted to, all without breaking a sweat.

"They don't belong to _anyone!_ " Yori shouted.

"Well, they're Uzumaki," Aguri stated carelessly, "That hair is a dead giveaway, and they're probably worth a lot, though I could care less. If you ask me, I think I got a fair deal. I pay, I get the kids, and no strings attached."

He brought his face closer to Yori's, "But you," he hissed, "Are a loose string, and to change that, I'm going to have to kill you."

"Run, Arisu!" Yori shouted desperately, his voice cracking in the middle, "Kira, you-!"

He was cut off, and I heard a ripping sound.

Aguri pulled his kunai back casually, and the tip was dripping blood, all the while Yori choked on his words.

"Finally shut up, have you?" the shinobi sneered.

I watched, horrified, as Yori lost his footing and backwards, his head colliding with the ground with a soft crack, and his eyes were staring right up at me.

The world seemed colder, and I didn't know if it was the snow, or the feeling of my shaking hands that _felt_ ice-cold, or if I really _was_ sick like Arisu had suggested.

I fell to my knees, and my hands went to his shirt, and, _oh God, his shirt was_ _ **soaked**_ _in it_ , and I couldn't stop it, no matter how much I pressed down on it, and my hands seemed warm and cold at the same time.

But the warmth was _blood_.

 _Yori's_ blood.

And then Yori was speaking, but his lips were bloody, too, and _how_ could he talk? And he was saying, "Kira," over and over again, and then "Arisu," and blood leaking from his mouth, trickling down his chin.

And then he lifted a bloody hand to my face, held it there for a second, and his hand seemed to warm the chill in my face, and he said, " _God_ … protect her… _Kira_ …-"

But he couldn't say anymore, because he had no more blood to let out, and then his eyes looked like they were made of glass, and they looked like Mama's, and _why was this happening?!_

His hand fell from my face, leaving a huge, warm smear, but I didn't care, because _that man_ was heading toward where Arisu was sitting, and I had to _do_ something. Something, _anything_ , because he was _bad_ , he was _evil_ , and he _killed_ Yori.

And, before I could stop myself, I said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you," and he glanced back, that _stupid, horrible_ grin still on his face, and I wanted if _off_ , _off,_ _ **off.**_

But I couldn't move, and I stared blankly after him, and my entire vision became blurry, and I felt something on my face, _and oh God_ , _get it off_.

"Do what?" His entire form was blurry, and it was flickering like a leaf would when it was being shredded, but his _voice_ was still there, and I _**hated**_ it.

I blinked again, and then the entire world was back in focus, but the man was still facing Arisu, and the girl was trying to meld with the wall, and _I couldn't let him hurt her_.

And then the man was turning away from, turning to face _me_ , and that _stupid, horrible_ grin of his had widened, and I felt cold and numb, _and what was this feeling?_

But the man just stalked toward me, and when he came close to Yori, his foot toeing Yori's own, he snorted, and I lost it.

He couldn't touch Yori, not after what he did, and I didn't care what he said or did to defend himself.

The man gave me an odd, before grinning again, "What's your name, kid?"

But I didn't answer, and the world seemed to grow colder, _colder,_ _ **colder**_ , and then the man was flying through the air, and he didn't make a sound as he collided with the alley wall.

But he couldn't, because the spikes of ice had stabbed directly through his chest, and he deserved it, because that was where Yori had been hit, and the man deserved it tenfold.

And that _stupid, horrible_ grin of his was finally gone, his mouth having slackened when death hit him, and I felt _something_ \- was it elation?- that he had a look of shock on his face.

But then I felt the warmth on my face, and saw Yori's _red, red, red_ body on the ground, and the world didn't seem so cold anymore, not even with the ice in the wall.

And I couldn't hold myself up anymore, so I fell, my face colliding with the _warm_ ground, because it was all covered in a _huge_ puddle of bright red blood.

It was Yori's blood, and it covered my face and stained my body and my clothes, but I couldn't bring myself to care anymore, because my body didn't feel cold anymore.

And then my eyes were drooping shut, because I couldn't move, and I felt _so tired_.

The world around me was growing dark, but all I could see was _that man_ , up ahead, pinned to wall by the spikes of ice that drove straight through his chest, right where he had hit Yori, so the man deserved it, and I felt _nothing_ at his death, because he had _deserved_ it,

My fingers were red and stained with liquid, and I could taste it in my mouth, and I thought that Yori's blood tasted like money, like the coins that Chiaki had given me for dango.

He was worth more than _that man_.

But he was dead now.

And so was _that man_.

Yori was dead on the ground with a hole in his chest, and _that man_ was dead in the wall with spikes in his chest.

I could hear Arisu in the background, and I thought that she might be crying, because she was hiccupping and gasping at the same time.

But I couldn't do anything, because I couldn't move, and despite what Yori said, what he told me to do, I couldn't get up and help her.

Because my entire world was going dark, and there wasn't a single thing I could do to stop it.

And then everything went black, and all I could feel was the blood on my face and the ice on my fingers.


	12. Chapter 12: Melt

**So, I noticed that the amount of followers to this story has increased. It's good to see that people are reading this story.**

 **Anyway, here's the next chapter.**

 **. . .**

My fingers felt numb.

That was the first thought that came to mind as I slowly came back to awareness.

There was also the frantic shaking of my shoulder.

Something warm and _wet_ trickled down my face, and my entire body stiffened. I felt as if I should be getting up, _because something had just happened_ , but whatever it was eluded me completely.

" _Kira…"_ A soft voice.

" _Wake up…_ _ **please**_ _..."_

"Mmm," escaped my mouth, and though it wasn't a word, something started vigorously shaking my body; so hard, in fact, that my teeth rattled with the movement.

"Kira," the same voice whispered, "W-Wake up. _Please_."

My entire body _burned_ , as if I had just run a marathon, and my fingers were numb, and my hands were cold, like blocks of ice. I didn't _want_ to get up. I wanted to sleep.

I wanted to fall asleep and never wake up.

Forever.

But I couldn't, and so I groaned out, "Who…?"

The hands stilled, though I could still feel their warmth settled on my shoulders, and I thought that they would shake me again, if only to get _one_ response out of me.

"K-Kira?" Hope bloomed in their voice.

I tried to force my eyes open, but my face was pressed against something cold and hard, and it also felt warm and _wet_.

I caught an eyeful of grey mixed with red, and it made for a light pink colour.

It was strange seeing such a colour, since I was so used to the mute greys, whites, and blacks of this place.

I lied there for a second, and when what felt like hours passed, I attempted to roll onto my back. But my body failed me, and I ended up on my side, facing the opposite alley wall.

Something suddenly appeared in my vision, and it was such a bright red, that I had to squint. The redness soon took on characteristics, and I could make note of a pale, pallid face framed by locks of bright red hair. Their brown eyes were dull.

I knew who it was nonetheless.

"A-Ari… su?" I mumbled, my voice a mere croak.

"Kira," she answered thickly, "Y-You're _alive_."

At that, I managed a frown, "Why… why wouldn't I be?" I asked carefully.

She opened her mouth to speak, but it was all coming back to me; _that man_ taking Arisu, me running after Yori, Yori on the ground with a hole in his chest, and then _that man_ dead in the alley wall with a hole in _his_ chest-

I remembered.

How could I have ever forgotten?

It was the same with Mama. I forgot, and then I remembered.

"How… how long was I out for?" I asked.

Arisu bit her lip, and she no longer looked like the shy girl she once was; her face was white, her cheeks shiny from tears, and her eyes wide and dull. Her hair resembled mats of blood hanging around her face.

"J-Just a minute," she whispered, her voice a simple monotone.

"Where's Yori?" I said, and I thought it was a rather obvious _and_ stupid question, because Yori was right next to me, and I felt his _blood_ all over me, soaking into my hair, my skin, my _clothes_ ; it reminded me of _that day_.

"Where's the man?" I asked, and Arisu flinched back at my question, tears pooling in her huge eyes.

"I-In the _wall_ ," she whimpered, bringing her hands up to her face in an effort to cover up her eyes, "With _ice_."

I froze, _because what did she just say?_

" _Ice?!_ " I demanded wildly.

She nodded, "Mm."

I shakily brought my hands up to my face, peering at them closely. They were _soaked_ in blood, and the red liquid dripped off each of my fingers, and it was- I swallowed heavily- _Yori's_ blood.

Yori. Kind, _kind_ Yori, who gave too much and never took anything in return.

He was _dead_.

I had only known him for a year, but… he was still important to me. He had rescued us from that hellhole of a house after _that day_.

He was kind and understanding, and while he could be stupid at times, that was okay. Because that was _Yori_.

He had been so protective, so _loving_ to all of us; he had taken Haku under his wing and treated him like a younger sibling.

He'd made us feel _safe_.

And now he was _gone_.

It seemed impossible when, just a few hours ago, we were all laughing at the look on his face as we hit him with a snowball.

Yori was gone, and he was dead with a hole in his chest; his life was snuffed out like a flame, with a simple hit to the chest, just like Mama.

Just like _that man_. That evil, _evil_ man. And he was now dead in a wall, pinned to the cold concrete by equally cold icy spikes.

And worst of all, I felt _happy_. _Happy_ that he was dead- that it had been _me_ who had ended that filth.

But it wasn't so bad, because men like _him_ \- who preyed on the weak and helpless- they didn't deserve to have a place in this world.

Yori was gone, but so was _that man_.

Yori would be remembered for the brave boy he'd been; who'd been protecting us until the very end.

 _That man wouldn't_.

His corpse could rest in a ditch for all I cared. He deserved it, after all.

 _He deserved it after what he did_.

I stared at my hands again, taking note of the warm, _wet_ blood- Yori's blood- and swallowed thickly. _I_ had caused that ice, had caused that devastation.

I knew exactly what it was.

It was the ice release.

Somehow, I'd inherited Mama's accursed Kekkei Genkai; the very thing that had marked her end.

It had saved my life.

But that didn't mean I had to ever use it.

I didn't want to become a Shinobi. I didn't want to end lives; I didn't want to become a _weapon_ for someone else's cruel intentions.

I didn't have to.

But, as I stared at Yori's corpse- kind, _kind_ Yori- I came to a startling conclusion.

The only way to survive in this world- on the street, no less, because I sure as _hell_ wouldn't be returning to _Ren's_ caravan- would be to take lives.

I had already done that, and somehow, I knew that I would have to do it again, because I made a promise.

A promise to my big brother: _I would never leave him_.

A promise to Yori: _I would take care of Arisu_.

The only way to do that, _to protect the both of them_ , would be to get stronger.

I would have to become a ninja.

Arisu was sobbing by that point, huge, fat tears sliding down her cheeks, "I-I can't… can't _stop_ ," she hiccupped, and every attempt she made to stop her tears was all for naught, because it didn't work.

She was in shock, and her entire body was shaking.

I had no idea what to do, but I reached toward her, with my bloodied, shaking hand, and rested it on the left side of her face, brushing away her continuous tears with my thumb, leaving streaks of blood on her pale skin.

She stiffened, her entire body tensing, before she gradually began to relax.

"It's okay," I whispered, moving my hand to the back of her neck and pulling her closer, so close that her head was resting against my chest and her body was shaking from suppressed sobs, "Let it out. I-It'll be fine. _You'll_ be fine."

"It _hurts_ ," she moaned through her tears, "It hurts _so much_. H-He was there, and t-then he… _wasn't_. W-Why is this _happening_ , Kira?!"

I didn't reply, merely stroking through her hair, _because what else was I supposed to do?_

Arisu quieted after a while, her breaths becoming even and deep.

I stared down at her in shock.

Had she just _fallen asleep?_ After _everything_ that had happened?

That was when I heard footsteps.

I stiffened at the sound, pulling Arisu closer to me. I felt incredibly weak, but I had to protect Arisu.

Three figures appeared at the mouth of the alley, and I shouted, "Stay back!"

There was stunned silence, before a loud, familiar voice yelled, "Arisu!"

A small figure pushed past the biggest one, and I only had to see his bright red hair before I knew who it was.

"Aruto," I murmured.

The little boy came to a stop in front of me, glaring rather heatedly at me. "What did you do to Arisu?!" he demanded, pointing a rude finger down at me, "And where's Nii-chan?!"

I blinked a little, but his accusing eyes continued to stare me down, and that was when I snapped.

"Yori's _dead_ ," I answered coldly, holding Arisu closer to my body, "See right there? That's his body. The man in the wall killed him, but _I_ killed the wall man before he could hurt anyone else."

"Kira-chan," a voice whispered sadly.

I looked up at my brother's voice, and he was only a few metres away, standing next to Chiaki and keeping a rather tight hold on the older boy's hand.

Chiaki held Haku's hand in a death grip, and he seemed to be in a daze; his eyes were wide and disbelieving, and a frown pulled his lips downwards.

"Haku-nii," I replied tremulously.

I was not going to cry. I was over that. And I didn't think I even had anymore tears to expel after _that day._

I just needed my brother.

I looked to Aruto, then pulled Arisu from my body and held her out to the little boy, silently offering his sister to him.

He accepted her immediately, pulling her to his chest and burying his face into her hair.

I got to my feet unsteadily, and when I took a step forward, I stumbled.

Haku met me halfway, and I rested my head on his shoulder with a soft sigh.

"Haku-nii," I muttered, "I love you."

"Love you, too," he answered softly.

I tightened my hold around him, before raising my head and piercing Chiaki with my eyes.

"Nii-chan," I murmured sadly, "Come here."

Slowly, Chiaki approached, and when he was close enough, I reached out and tangled my good hand with his, yanking him closer.

His body shook against mine, but he made no sound, and when I looked at his face, his teeth were clenched tightly together, his eyes blank but steadily filling with tears.

Those same tears fell onto my face, mixing in with all of the blood.

"Sorry," I muttered, biting down on my bottom lip. I wouldn't cry, I _couldn't_. All I _had_ been doing in this life was crying, and it needed to stop.

Chiaki disagreed.

He collapsed on top of me, and his arms buried themselves in my clothes as he sobbed wildly into my neck, his gut-wrenching cries echoing around the alley.

Chiaki was nine. He just lost the closest thing to a brother he'd ever had. And that was when I found myself wondering what his story really was.

I wondered if he was an orphan like the rest of us, taken in by Ren's caravan out of the kindness of their twisted hearts.

And then, suddenly, Chiaki stilled. I froze, but his tear-stained face peered up at me, his face stark white against the glare of the snow and the blood in the alley.

His eyes were dark and unforgiving, and there seemed to be a layer of ice that wasn't present before.

 _Before_ , his eyes were warmer, his face _kinder_. Now, though, his face was cold and shut off, and it even looked menacing, save for the left-over tearstains on his cheeks.

"Who did this?" he asked softly, voice cracked and hoarse from crying. I hesitated, but he put his face closer to mine and snarled, "Who did this this, Kira?! _Who the_ _ **fuck**_ _killed him?!_ "

I shrunk back at his harsh words, but I answered him anyway, "Him. In the wall. He's dead. I killed him."

His face crumpled. "How?" he questioned.

I stiffened, then looked down at my hands. They were bloody, and through the blood- _Yori's_ blood- I could see the thick white scar on my left palm. From where Papa had stabbed me.

"Ice," I answered, clenching my hands into fists. Some of the blood smeared on my hand spurted out from the pressure, and because Chiaki's face was so close to mine, it hit his cheek.

He blinked. Then, he raised a hand and slowly wiped it off.

"Yori," he whispered.

He released his grasp on me and crawled over to Yori's body, not seeming to care that he was literally crawling through a bloodbath. A bloodbath which steadily coated his hands and feet and soaked into his kimono, seeping onto his skin underneath.

"Why?" Chiaki murmured, pulling Yori's head into his lap. He carded his fingers through the wild dark hair, before trailing his hands down to the other boy's face. He slowly closed Yori's eyes, " _Why_ did you die?"

I took a step back, wringing my hands nervously together, before I blurted, "It was Ren! He did it! It was all him! _He organised everything!"_

Chiaki froze, and his entire body shuddered, as if he were holding back sobs. He swallowed heavily, and he brought a hand up to his face, his eyes widening as if he were now realising that his hand was _covered_ in Yori's blood.

And then, as tears streaked down his face, he hissed, "I'll _kill_ him. I'll fucking _gut_ him."

That was the second time I had ever heard Chiaki swear in all the time I had known him. He was polite, but, normally, he was brat.

But I was sure that we both agreed on the same thing.

Ren was as good as dead.

In fact, I had half a mind to seek him out _now_ and gut him with _that man's_ kunai, the same kunai which had ended Yori's life.

But we wouldn't succeed. Asahi would just signal for one of her bodyguards and then we would be dead.

As dead as Yori.

Suddenly, Chiaki stood. His long hair shadowed his eyes, and his voice was a mere croak as he muttered, "I want to bury him."

I nodded, because _of course_ we would bury Yori. But were in the middle of some village I didn't even know the name of, and I thought that if _anyone_ saw us carrying a corpse, then it would cause a huge panic.

"Of course," I murmured, "But how will we get his body out without being seen?"

It looked like we had _all_ been horrifically injured, with the amount of blood that was covering us.

"We'll carry him if we need to," Chiaki answered, his voice dark, "Not that there's anyone out here to see us. They won't be concerned either, especially since no one came to _help_."

"Nii-chan," I began, but Chiaki sent me a look.

"Don't call me that," he snapped. My eyes widened, and he said, "I-It's too much like _him_."

"Chiaki," I amended quietly, "Let's do this."

Haku immediately came over to help, and with the twins sending us uncertain looks, we began to heave the deceased boy into a sitting position.

When he was sitting up, all three of us stood simultaneously, Haku and Chiaki holding Yori by both arms, and me supporting his back.

We began to move, and cringed at the sound of Yori's legs dragging against the ground.

Chiaki was right. There _was_ no one. The streets were practically empty, and as we dragged Yori through the village, Chiaki muttered, "Once we're done with this, I'm going back for Ren. I'm going to rip his fucking _head_ off."

There wasn't anything I could do, but I interjected, "H-He'll _kill_ you, Chiaki. You… you should _wait_ a while, come back in a few years when you're stronger to finish the job."

His gaze snapped to mine, angry and unforgiving, "So you're telling me," he sneered, "That we should just sit around and _wait_ for that fucker to kill more people?"

"I'm telling you to wait because I don't want to lose anyone else," I snapped, "I already lost Mama and Papa, all because of one really _f-fucked_ up mistake. Then I lost Yori. I can't lose you, too, Chiaki."

He stared at me for a few seconds, then, his eyes softened, "Fine," he muttered, "But I'm only doing this because I don't want any more tears."

No more tears from me, from Haku, from the twins, from himself, from _anyone_. He wanted all of us to be happy.

I did, too.

More than anything.

We buried Yori in the snow, in the deepest hole we could dig, with desperate hands and broken fingernails.

Arisu started crying when Yori's still face was covered with the snow, and she started to scream, "NO, _NO_! _**YORI**_ _!"_

Chiaki wordlessly pulled the little girl against his side, all the while his bloodshot eyes glared at the mound in the snow.

Then, he bent down and wrote something in the snow. When he stood again, I strained my eyes against the darkness to see what he had written.

Not that it mattered.

I couldn't read.

"What does it say?" I asked quietly.

"Yori, beloved brother. In memory of his kindness and love, may he live in our hearts forever," Chiaki recited softly.

I reached out and took hold of his hand, and I wasn't even surprised when I felt Haku latch onto my wrist.

It was snowing.

Someone died today.

It was _still_ snowing.

I knew it would continue to snow uninterrupted, because the snow didn't care what happened in _anyone's_ life.

I bent down, and as I did so, both of my hands were released.

I scooped up a large handful of snow.

The blood from my hands mixed in with the snow, colouring it a light pink. But it didn't matter.

The snow was melting.

I let the puddle of slush fall from my hands and looked down at Yori's icy grave.

I missed him.


End file.
